Why Agreeing To "Take A Break" Is A BIG Mistake

Why Agreeing To "Take A Break" Is A BIG Mistake

Why Agreeing To "Take A Break" Is A BIG Mistake

Thumbnail: 
Dek: 
Sounds like the coward's way out.

What the heck does “We're taking a break" really mean in a relationship?

So many people are doing this these days. I wonder why their partners lets them get away with it. It's the same as wanting your cake and eating it, too. If you agree to "taking a break" time, you might as well just cut off a big piece of someone-else-to-sleep-with and spoon feed it to your partner!

This relationship tactic is the lazy and insincere person’s way of ending a relationship.

 

They're pretty sure they want to break up, but they're avoiding the uncomfortable feeling of being alone right away. Why limit themselves when they can keep you on the side and explore new options, as well. Both sexes initiate this scenario, especially among the 20-something crowd, or so I've observed. Wouldn’t it be better though to just stay single and date people, rather than string someone along in a relationship and hurt them in this manner? After all, being left hanging in emotional limbo is not fun, especially since the desire to see other people is seldom reciprocated by the other partner in the relationship.

So, why does one partner pull the "let's take a break" card? Here are the main reasons: 

• He's easing into a full-time breakup.

• He's using it as a threat to get something more out of the relationship that he's not receiving.

• It allows more free time, nights out with friends or separate vacations.

• It stalls the marriage discussion.

• He's trying to keep you interested by being evasive and playing hard to get.

• It gives him more control.

Whatever the reason, don't fool yourself—ultimately, taking a break means the relationship is over.

If you feel bored, or have fallen out of love, what is a break going to do? You can’t force yourself to love them? If you take a break and then end up getting married down the road, it usually ends up in divorce anyway because the same problems are still there between you. People do not change that much.

What does this “break” entail?

• Are you allowed to have sex with others?

• Do you see each other at all?

• Are you still having sex with one another? (Newsflash: this means you've now been demoted to a booty call.)

• How long is this break for? Is there a set time limit?

However you set up the terms of your break, this scenario is not a good situation to fall into. You are temporarily put on hold so your partner can see if they can find someone better than you. There is a chance that they may “settle for you” if nothing comes along but will you ever feel good about that? Don’t ever put yourself number two. If a relationship is right, it really isn’t that much work. People who truly love each prioritize being together. They're not happy apart.

Ending a relationship with someone is one thing, as it gives both people a chance for a new beginning, but the person who doesn’t want to “take a break” is left hanging around waiting for the other partner to decide the fate of their relationship. Why ever put yourself in that position?

The next time someone asks you for a break tell them “sure, I was going to ask you if I could date your best friend this week anyway.” See how that goes over!

Check out more from Susan McCord and watch this video for more information on "taking a break." 

Join the Conversation