Your Best Post-Divorce Gift? The Courage to Accept It's Over


Your Best Post-Divorce Gift? The Courage to Accept It's Over
It takes courage to create a life different than what you imagined.

The song was coming to an end and I hit play. Again. I had lost count how many times I had listened to it. You know the kind of song I'm talking about — the kind about broken hearts and shattered dreams. Before I knew it, I picked up the phone and dialed. As the phone rang, I tried to compose myself, unsure about what I was going to say.

"I don't want it to be over."
"I know you don't."


And that was it, the moment when, without realizing it, I had taken the first step toward moving on — admitting that I didn't want my marriage to be over. Did I intellectually understand that it was over? Sure, but that is very different from admitting to myself that I didn't want it to be over. As they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem. My problem? Spending countless hours rehashing the past and wishing it wasn't over and getting stuck in a mental and emotional energy drain.

Once I was able to give voice to my deepest pain — that I wanted my old life back, marriage intact — I was able to start to accept that it really was over. And with acceptance comes freedom of choice — the freedom to choose how I wanted to write the rest of my story. Was I going to be bitter and angry, stuck in the past and never able to let go? Or was I going to accept and forgive so that I could move on and find my happiness?

I chose the latter. But how did I get to that point? To truly get to that place, you have to be honest with the person who matters most which is you. You have to feel the pain, anger, fear, and grief that your dream has died and life as you knew it is over. It is completely understandable that you would feel that way. I did and I get it. But here's the thing — the courage to accept that your marriage is over is the first step to building your new life and creating new dreams. Does it hurt? Heck yeah. Are you in pain? Absolutely.  The question is, how long do you want to stay stuck there? How much more of your today are you willing to waste on yesterday?

Here are a few questions to help you start to get unstuck:

  • What scares you about letting go?
  • What excites you about letting go?
  • What is it costing you to hold to the past?
  • What will be different for you if you let go, even a little?  What and how would you feel?

In the midst of the holiday rush, take some time to slow down and really allow yourself to reflect on these questions. Once you have, and when you're ready, take the next step and start to imagine what you want next in life. Feeling comfortable going to a movie by yourself?  Finding new interests/hobbies? Reconnecting with who you are at your core? Rediscovering old interests/hobbies? Travel? New relationship? It takes courage to create a life different than what you imagined. My wish for you this holiday season? The courage to let go and move on so that you can follow your dreams wherever they lead!

From my inner courage to yours,



For information about my life-changing Inner Courage process that will tell you in just 60-minutes EXACTLY how to break free from the pain of your divorce so you can finally move forward, feel happiness again and start rebuilding your life on your terms, please visit my web site,, or email me at

I am a Certified Professional Life Coach and an expert at helping women find their inner courage to rebuild a life they love after divorce.  As Founder of “Unleash Your Inner Courage”, I use a supportive and compassionate approach to partner with women to help them find the strength to move from pain to possibilities and start living a life they truly love after experiencing the life-altering event of divorce.

I understand how it feels to have to start over again. I found the courage to rebuild my life into one I once thought would never be possible, including traveling the world and, most importantly, choosing to become a mom.

Through my powerful 7-Step Inner Courage Journey, I share my own expertise and experience, plus the same powerful tools and strategies I used to recover from the pain of my own divorce, find happiness again and build a life I truly love filled with endless possibilities!

More divorce coach advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susan Herrera

Life Coach

It takes courage to create a life different than what you imagined.

From my inner courage to yours,
Your Inner Courage Coach

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: CPC, ELI-MP, MSW
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