When my husband came home to tell me that he didn't want to be married anymore, I not only lost my marriage and life partner, I had lost my best friend. It was so painful to lose the dream of happily ever after. It was just as painful to lose the one person I had trusted most, confided my deepest dreams to and was the most myself with.
So how did I move on to find a new best friend after my divorce? It was simple really. I didn’t have to look that far. I found her as soon as I looked in the mirror.
One of the reasons I was so lost when my husband left was because he took everything with him. And by everything, I mean that he was my whole world. I had lost myself completely in the relationship. That was not his fault…that was on me. I had given up parts of myself along the way — interests, dreams, friendships. Heck, even a relationship with myself.
My first step towards moving past and healing from my divorce was getting re-acquainted with myself. My likes, dislikes, interest, hobbies and dreams for my future. I had to figure out who I was without my ex-husband. An integral part of this process was challenging my belief that I couldn't exist without a partner. Almost as though I wasn't able to shine if I wasn't reflected in someone else's eyes.
This belief was holding me back from exploring who I was and experiencing the greatest gifts of all — self-love, self-expression and self-acceptance. I started taking classes, like flower arranging and salsa dancing. I rediscovered my love of foreign films. I branched out of my introverted ways to meet new people through meet-ups, dinners, etc. Eventually, I even began to date again!
I started to imagine a life without my best friend. This was a big step towards opening up to new possibilities for my future. I turned inward to imagine the life that I wanted, filled with new hopes and dreams. I felt myself come alive again. I also came to the realization that, you know what? I like who I am! My confidence began to grow.
I had a critical choice to make after my divorce. I could stay stuck in the pain and anger, as though time had stood still. I would never move on to new experiences or find happiness again. Or, I could grow through the pain, release the anger and confront my fears in order to make it to the other side. I chose to move forward.
The process of doing so required a huge dose of acceptance and, even harder, forgiveness. But the reality is that my divorce was the catalyst for something much bigger, and something I never could have expected. The real gift from that experience was to step out of someone else's shadow. I was able to live the life I was meant to live and become the courageous woman that I am today.
My ability to accept what happened, feel gratitude for the wonderful years we had together and forgive my ex-husband and myself were critical to living a life that I never thought would be possible.
According to Urban Dictionary, a Bestie is defined as:
1) "Your favorite person in the world. Kind of like your best friend, except better."
2) "A true bestie would stick with you through all of it, walking in when the world walks out."
As you embark on this next step in moving on from your divorce, here are some questions to help you find your inner courage to develop a relationship with your new Bestie. You!
- What beliefs are holding you back from loving yourself and nurturing a relationship with yourself?
- Where do those beliefs come from?
- What are more supportive beliefs that you can create for yourself?
- What can you commit to doing in the next month to focus on developing a loving, nurturing relationship with yourself?
My best advice when shopping for a new best friend after your divorce......put away the credit card and shop at home.
From my inner courage to yours,
For information about my life-changing inner courage process, please visit my web site, http://www.unleashyourinnercourage.com. This will tell you in just 60-minutes how to break free from the pain of your divorce. You can finally move forward, feel happiness again and start rebuilding your life on your terms.
I am a Certified Professional Life Coach and an expert at helping women find their inner courage to rebuild a life they love after divorce. As Founder of Unleash Your Inner Courage, I use a supportive and compassionate approach to help women find the strength to move from pain to possibilities. Finally, they can start living a life they truly love after experiencing the life-altering event of divorce.
I understand how it feels to have to start over again. I found the courage to rebuild my life into one I never thought possible, including traveling the world and, most importantly, choosing to be a mom.
Through my powerful 7-Step Inner Courage Journey, I share my own expertise and experience. The same powerful tools and strategies I used to recover from the pain of my own divorce. In order to help you find happiness again and build a life you can truly love filled with endless possibilities!
More info on dealing with divorce from YourTango: