For anyone new to the "80/20 rule for relationships," it's the theory that says, in a fairly healthy relationship, you only get 80 percent of what you want. Maybe your partner isn't a triathlete or great at sharing his feelings, but it's okay, because the 80 percent you do get is really good. The other part of the equation says that it's the endless search for that missing 20 percent you'd hoped for in your mate that leads people to cheat.
Why do people feel like the 80 percent isn't enough for them, and they want the other 20 percent. The reason is that they don't feel fulfilled and good enough in the relationship and think it's their partner that is the problem. As it turns out, it is our own internal battles that are showing up on the scene, it has nothing to do with our partner. Although many of us would debate that fact, (I was one of those people when I first got divorced, I was sure all my problems were my ex-husband's fault), but time and experience has shown me that was not the case.
More from YourTango: Love Bytes: A Guy's Take On How To Find Real Love
This is where I turn the 80/20 rule for relationships on it's head and add my own twist. Eighty percent of the issues we have with others are our own internal battles. Twenty percent are relationship issues. Here's the catch on the 80/20 rule when working on relationships; to get to that crucial twenty percent, you have to work through your own baggage. Otherwise you will spend all your time bogged down in the 80 percent never getting to the 20 percent that is vital to creating a meaningful relationship.
"The quality of our life is the quality of our relationships." — Anthony Robbins. This is good news because it means we can actually do something about the quality of our relationships.
So what can we do to create new relationships and improve our existing ones? Once we begin to become aware of our own needs and wants, then we know what's important to us and what's not. We won't waste are time with people who aren't a good fit for us, and we can work on maintaining good relationships with the people who share our core values.
More from YourTango: Is Your Inner Child Running Your Love Life?
Remember, 80 percent of our difficulty with other people come from our own experiences, which we have learned as children from our society and family. Then we incorporate these experiences as fact and then think it is true about everyone else. The good thing about these patterns of thought is that they are learned from childhood experiences, and since they are learned they can be changed. Keep Reading ...
More relationship advice from YourTango: