The Duggars Dating Advice: Why They Make (Some) Sense


The Duggars Dating Advice: Why They Make (Some) Sense
Dating with old fashioned rules might make sense in today's day and age.

Perhaps you are up on your pop culture and watch TLC and who know the Duggars are. If not, the very large Duggar family are the stars of the "19 Kids and Counting" on TLC. They have children ranging in age from toddlers to twenty-somethings. Even with such a large family, they have strict rules about their kids dating and have a large involvement in who their kids spend their time with. I know most people cannot imagine tracing the whereabouts a few kids let alone, nineteen, but somehow this family has been able track their kids' dating habits.

While I feel that of course, many of their rules on dating would not be ones that I would recommend, I do see a point to talking about why I believe some of their dating are worth paying attention to.


1. The Duggars believe that their kids should be "courting with a purpose".
Many people today complain that dating doesn't seem to go anywhere. When you start out without real dates and stating your intentions, it can be hard to get a point where you become a couple. You should be letting the person know if you are looking for a serious relationship and what that means to you. If you want a purposeful relationship, you have to state it.

2. All dates are planned and they have a chaperone.
While you might be past the stages of needing a chaperone, it still makes sense to have planned dates. Planning out dates shows you are serious about spending time with someone and that they value your time. Instead of a chaperone, consider the idea that be accountable for your actions by not using alcohol or a late night as a reason not to be accountable to yourself and what makes your comfortable.

3. Setting boundaries on intimacy at the beginning.
The Duggars feel that before you get emotionally attached, you need to know if the person you are with is deep inside. While their boundaries on intimacy are definitely not the norm, the idea to hold off on physical intimacy until you really know the person makes sense. Too many people assume that physical intimacy also means a committed relationship when for many sex and love are not one and the same. Make sure you have boundaries on what you are comfortable with if this relationship doesn't move towards a more serious relationship.

4. The family is involved and gives their opinion about the people they are dating.
Dating is something that, after the initial spark between the two of you wears off, you have to access if the person fits in your world. Having dates with your friends and introducing this person to your family is a good way to see if this relationship is just for fun or for more long term. If early on you are seeing signs that this person doesn't want to meet your friends and family, this may show you if the relationship is going to continue to grow, or if was more of a fling.

5. You can’t fail at courtship; every dating experience is a learning experience.
Even with these strict rules, the Duggars estimate their type of courting still results in only 50% of these courtships leading to marriage. Failure is a part of life that helps find what you are looking for. So, next time you have a failed date, remember that there is no short cut to finding love, but each experience is on that helps you find the one you are meant to be with!

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Stefanie Safran


Stef Safran is Chicago's Introductionista. She has been in the matchmaking industry for over twelve years starting with her work as a Contestant Coordinator on "The Dating Game". She helps singles not only find love through her matchmaking network, but through introducing people to places that they didn't know existed! She has been featured on various media outlets such as NBC, ABC, WGN, WCIU's"You and Me This Morning", WGN radio,The Chicago Sun Times and The Chicago Tribune, Refinerary29, The Huffington Post, She Knows, as well as other various radio and national websites. To learn more check out our You Tube page: Stefandthecity. You can reach Stef by going to her website, on Twitter at @stefandthecity, Like our Facebook page at Stef and the City or send her an email at


Location: Chicago, IL
Credentials: MBA
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