Being independent means taking control of your sexual pleasure too!
Too often, women write off responsibility for their own sexual pleasure, relegating it to their partner. Whether, it's because you have a low sex drive; you're too busy or stressed; you believe it's a "man's job" to figure out your body, or you don't prioritize or feel worthy of self-love — it's time for you to take ownership of your own pleasure in the bedroom.
Because pleasure is a woman's birthright. It's YOUR birthright.
Society (including ourselves) places too much emphasis on male sexual pleasure, and female pleasure (and sometimes female sexual rights) typically ends up an after thought.
Exactly who's responsible for your pleasure? YOU are! It's not a man's responsibility to take control of your pleasure. It's yours. After all, who knows what women want better than women! And with that being said, it's time to learn how to take care of your needs (and wants).
However, before you can take on this task, it's crucial that you know how to achieve top notch results — be aware that multiple things can impact your pleasure response and each woman's journey is different.
Here are some things that could impact your sexual satisfaction:
According to WebMD, a recent study showed that nearly one-third of women aged 18 to 59 suffer from low libido. Many factors contribute to a low sex drive, such as:
- Birth control
- Lack of exercise & poor diet
- Lack of sleep
- Low testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, oxytocin levels
- Relationship problems
- Reclaiming The Pleasure You Deserve
Meet the Clitoris
The clitoris is unique, in that its sole purpose is pleasing you; there is no other body part solely responsible for your pleasure. Therefore, if it's there (and that's what it's made for), why not take full advantage of it?
On average a clitoris has about 8,000 sensory nerve endings, compared to the penis' 4,000; it affects over 50,000 nerves all over the body when stimulated. Now keep in mind that some women have more (perhaps that's why they can orgasm very easily), while others have less, which may be why it's more difficult for them to reach an orgasm. The clitoris resembles a wish bone, but you can only see the tip (the clitoral head) or the hood (the foreskin). There are two clitoral "legs" inside the body that go along your labia and can be massaged or stimulated during penetration and extend down the vaginal wall to the anus.
Now that you have a better understanding of what the clitoris does and where it is, did you know that about 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm?
Meaning that for most women, penetration does nothing (or very little) for them! If you were unaware, you're not alone — most people (especially men) think they can orgasm from penetration alone. Unfortunately, that's just not the case.
Meet Your Brain
Although your body is naturally prepped to have orgasms, it's also important that feel good in your own body and about yourself, so you can cultivate a mindful place to experience pleasure.
The biggest sexual organ is the brain for both men and women. If your head is not in the right space, then your sex drive will be lower and an orgasm won't happen. Also, when you are in the right frame of mind and let go, good things will happen.
A short list of things that can put you in a bad mental space include: Poor body image, sexual trauma, depression, low self-esteem, and not feeling worthy.
When you feel good about yourself, it translates to feeling good about yourself in the bedroom. For many women, this takes work — a lot of work, even on a daily basis. Furthermore, if you are a victim of sexual trauma it's best to seek professional help.
Clitoris + Brain = Time To Get Aroused!
Now that you feel good, how do you actually get aroused? First, you need to get off Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. In other words, put the phone down! Eliminate distractions and focus on yourself and what's going on around you. Try to relax.
Here are some suggestions to get in the mood:
- Have your partner give you a massage
- Watch porn or read erotica
- Watch your partner do the dishes!
- Experiment with self-pleasure to learn what types of touch feel good to you
Your sexual pleasure matters. It's up to you to make it happen.
Here are three easy ways you can start owning your sexuality today.
1. Discover yourself. Experiment with masturbation and touching yourself — see what you like and don't like. When you know how you enjoy being touched you are more confident and better able to communicate, whether it's verbally or by showing your partner how and where to touch you for the best pleasure.
2. Use a vibrator. It's okay, nothing is wrong with you if you use something mechanical to help you orgasm. The goal is to orgasm — it's just a means to an end.
And there's nothing wrong with your partner either. They don't vibrate or run out of batteries. They know exactly where you want more or less pressure. Most importantly, they don't complain!
3. Don't be afraid of an orgasm (or multiple orgasms)! Orgasms are good for YOU. There are many health benefits of orgasms:
- Improves everything "down there"
- Helps you sleep
- Helps you look younger
- Boosts the immune system
- It's exercise (after all, an orgasm is a series of muscle contractions)
- Makes you happier
Why take ownership of your pleasure? Because it's important. If you don't do it, no one else will. Be your own pleasure advocate and control your own pleasure destiny!