You CAN create a height of passion that matches the depth of your love.
By Stacey Martino — Written on May 12, 2014
Love and passion work like a see-saw: the deeper you go into love, the passion starts to float up, up and away. WHY?
Love comes from "sameness." The deeper we go into a long term relationship, the more we have in common—kids, house and activities—the more "sameness" there is. Which is GREAT! That sameness creates friendship, which is the foundation for LOVE!
But do you know what it's NOT good for? Yep, PASSION!
Passion comes from differences! In the beginning, there is so much NEWNESS in your relationship. There are plenty of differences, and thus plenty of passion! As we build more sameness in our relationship, by definition, the differences start to fade and the passion fizzles.
You can switch this back on! You CAN create a height of passion that matches the depth of your love. In fact, you can create a passion that is way hotter and more exciting than it was when you were dating! I'm living proof of that!
How?
You must intentionally cultivate the differences in your relationship! It sounds simple, but in my experience, it's NOT common.
I'll explain. It's natural as you go into a committed relationship to create more and more things in common. It's how we instinctually build the foundation of our relationship. At some point, whether you realize it or not, these differences start to feel like a "negative" in your relationship.
For example: You may feel a sense of rejection when your partner is different, like "your way" isn’t good enough. If your partner wants to give their time to something that doesn't include you, you may feel rejected or jealous. If your partner says, feels or thinks something different than you, you might feel frustrated, disappointed or even angry because it's not the way YOU would have done it.
So the first step in cultivating the differences is to first DECIDE that inviting more differences into your relationship is a GOOD THING. It's the desired outcome. It's what you WANT because it will result in more passion!
Now, of course, not ALL differences are going to result in more love and passion in your relationship. Paul and I are all about empowering you with the tools and strategies that really work to reignite your passion, so here are three strategies to get you started on putting more ZING into your relationship!
Number 1: Understand, appreciate and ultimately cherish the differences in your partner.
Men and women are completely different! We think, feel, and process completely differently! One of the greatest opportunities in your relationship to cultivate differences is to learn to understand, appreciate and ultimately cherish the differences your partner brings. It begins with understanding the differences between men and women. Understanding alone does not create passion! Once you understand, you can begin to appreciate the differences they bring, and ultimately cherish the differences in your partner. When you can go from feeling frustrated and disappointed with your partner, to cherishing the things that used to drive you crazy…that creates PASSION!
Number 2: Nurture and encourage your partner's interests or passions!
This is an interesting dynamic. Let me ask you this question, "do you support and encourage your partner’s interests and passions?" Most of the time when I ask this question, people say "Yes, I do!"
Then I ask this question "What is something that your partner loves to do, that you dislike doing?" and "Do you consistently encourage and enable them to spend more time doing that?"
Different answer, huh?
This is the part that may not come naturally for you. It's time for you to grow here. If you want to cultivate more differences in your relationship and empower your partner to be their best and most authentic self, then you must be willing to put this into action. One way to do that is to encourage and enable them to give their time and energy to something that is authentic for them but isn't something you want to do or be yourself.
A simple example: If you don't enjoy watching football but your man loves it, how can you encourage and enable him to do MORE of it, instead of what you currently do, which is to bitch and moan—silently or vocally—while he "wastes his time" watching that "stupid game"?
If you DECIDE that football is a great vehicle to bring more "differences" into your relationship, then you can encourage and enable him with more ease, flow and grace! Clear the decks for him to watch the game. Make plans for you and the kids to go do something fun so he can watch the game. Make snacks for him, create the environment the way he likes it, suggest he go to a friend's house for the game…whatever you need to do!...Read on for Number 3!