Is your marriage in a slump? Dating your partner is a must.
First off, are you dating? Dating your partner is a must. It's not a "nice to have," like organizing your linen closet. (We do a deep dive on this in Step Seven: S-Flirt, of our Eight Step Relationship Transformation System®.)
In my experience, people don't take their fun seriously enough. I get it—you have tons of responsibilities, you are juggling many balls in the air at once, and you've got serious shit to get done. But, you must also bring the fun, flirting and dating back into your relationship. Why? Because we have a "passion-less" relationship epidemic going on right now. Good, nice, caring couples live together as parents, friends, and maybe even roommates, but the passion has fizzled or is gone completely. This epidemic is a silent killer of relationships and people don't see it coming.
Let me give you a heads up: The difference between a "passion-less" relationship and a "hanging by a thread" relationship is time. When you lose the passion in your relationship and you are not being intimate with the only person on the planet you're supposed to have sex with, you can't even stay best friends with that person. Over time, the lack of passion creates resentment, rejection, pain and a big wound in one or both partners. You slip from being "passion-less"/great parents together, to living parallel lives. You go through the motions and try not to bump into each other, but then wonder why you are even together anymore.
It just hurts too much to think about the relationship you don't have. That's why I say that the difference between a "passion-less" relationship and a "hanging by a thread" relationship is time. So, what do you do? Start dating now, of course.
In working with thousands of people around the world—many of them parents of young kids, busy with businesses, or just plain busy—in a long-term and committed relationship, dating seems to be the first thing to fly out the window. As our six year old Gracie would say, "that's no-k (not okay)!"
So, how do you date your partner? Don't worry, I got you covered. First, there's a big difference between dating and going out. You can leave the house with your partner and go out, and not be on a date. There's a different energy to dating, it's not just about leaving the house.
- Dress. I was telling one of our clients the other day, you do not go out on a date in the same clothes that you wear to take your kids to their soccer game, or to the grocery store. Think back to how you dressed when you were first dating, and then dress better than that.
- Energy. The energy on a date is playful, fun, flirty and electric. Get yourself into that state before your date. Put on some fun music while getting ready, and get back to that fun, flirty and playful you.
- Talk. Here's the Diamond Rule of Dating: No Kids, No Biz, No House. You cannot talk about the kids, the business or the house on your date. What?! I hear you! You ask, "what in the hell are we going to talk about?" I got you covered here, too. Go to Amazon.com and type in "Table Topics for Couples." When you are on a date, pull out one of these Table Topic cards and ask the question on the card. It will start a conversation with your partner that is about you and your partner—a personal conversation. It's a great way to talk about what's real and get you back to having those fun, deep, exciting and interesting conversations you used to have when you were still getting to know each other.
You can look in every one of my many, many purses and you will find 5 or 6 of these blue cards stuffed into the pockets. Order them now, they will be here before your date!
Your assignment: plan a date for you and your partner right now—schedule it, plan it, make the reservations, get the sitter, tell them to block their calendar and make it happen. Start taking your fun way more seriously, sweetie.
Post below and tell me what you are planning.
P.S. Need more strategies for dating? No sitter? Tough to get away without the kids? Check out our Quick Start Program where we give you more strategies for dating, free babysitters and even free date ideas. We got you covered. You don't have to do this alone.
Stacey Martino helps people who feel stuck, frustrated and helpless with the challenges that intimate relationship brings. Through targeted, strategic private coaching, programs and events for her Relationship Transformation™, Relationship Rescue™ and Relationship Transition™ programs, individuals learn to use her proven strategies and tools to create an unshakable love and unleashed passion that lasts a lifetime.
Stacey firmly believes that it absolutely does not take two to tango, and that one person can significantly shift the dynamics of the relationship. Clients have praised Stacey for helping them to see massive results in record time. Formerly known as "The Ice Princess," Stacey is intimately aware of what it takes to transform oneself to be ready to both give and receive love and passion like you have never experienced before.
Download Stacey's free audio program, "How to Transform Your Relationship in Eight Steps" here.