How to Stop Arguing And Start Listening.


How to Stop Arguing And Start Listening.
Part of Sophie Keller's 'How Happy is' Series

The way that you argue is often modeled on the way that your parents argued when you were young and this can often be a pattern that we carry with us through time. I want to teach you a method that will stop your discussions from turning in to arguments, it really will prove very useful, whether you are at odds with a partner, a family member or a friend.

The talking stick is used in many Native American traditions when a council is called. It allows all council members to present their point of view. The talking stick is passed from person to person, and only the person holding the stick is allowed to talk. Everyone else has to listen carefully to what the person with the stick is saying and cannot interrupt. Only when they are given the stick can they speak. In this way, Native American children are taught to listen from age three and also are taught to respect other people’s perspectives, even if they don’t agree with them.


If you ever talk over each other, if your discussions have a tendency to turn into arguments or if you feel you are not being heard, then the talking stick is an excellent way to communicate and can save enormous amounts of time, energy and heartache within your relationship.

Find a sacred object that can act as your talking stick. Whoever is holding the stick speaks, and the other person has to listen carefully. When the person with the stick is finished (the speaker decides when that is), she gives the stick to the other person and he person then has the opportunity to speak uninterrupted. Again when the speaker decides that he has finished, he hands the stick back to the first person. The stick goes back and forth until you have each spoken and listened in turn.

If you have problems listening—then use the talking stick method, as it enables you both to be heard. This method can save a lot of relationships.

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Sophie Keller


Happiness expert and best selling author Sophie Keller appears regularly on Fox, NBC, ABC, CBS and on KTLA 5 Morning News. Her books include How Happy is Your Love Life? 50 Great Tips to Help You Attract and Keep your Perfect Partner. How Happy is Your Home? 50 Great Tips to Bring More Health, Wealth and Joy in to Your Home.  How Happy is Your Health? 50 Great Tips to Help You Live a Long, Happy and Healthy Life. And How Happy is Your Marriage? 50 Great Tips to Make Your Relationships Last Forever.  Sophie writes regularly for The Huffington Post, she was 'Good News' Ambassador for LG Electronics, is an Ambassador for Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution and has been featured in many magazines including Self, Healthy Living and Women's World. Sophie has also created a workbook and guided meditation for women who have lost babies during or just after pregnancy called  Healing After Miscarriage

You can join the bimonthly newsletter and find out about Sophie Keller's events at Follow Sophie on twitter at Sophie_Keller and join the conversation on Happiness on the How Happy is Facebook page. The daily tips and advice can only help you to become happier.  

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