I am preparing for the seminar next week on vision focus for a tech company. No matter how professionally savvy audience I address, I always get a few parenting questions (especially from the moms).
A typical one: "How can I teach my 8-year-old to be responsible enough to keep his room clean?" I candidly admit that it is a work in progress for me as well.
I follow the same principle: "Shift from problems and focus on your long term vision." If you are having a strong, negative reaction regarding something, notice that and take a pause before taking any action.
For this particular example of the messy room of your child:
- Go to a neutral place, do a few deep breathing.
- Imagine your child is cleaning his room alright (the problem is not there at all).
- What do you really care in the long run (10-20 years)? Imagine what will make you proud and successful as a parent? Also useful to notice: What is the real reason for your strong reaction? Failure as a parent? Being afraid that your child will not be as successful in his life? Could be. Some client of mine told me that her biggest fear was that, "my son will be just like his Dad!"
- Once you are here, you are in touch with your vision, you have more positive feelings (notice that in your body). Now you are in a better position to come up with an action from a more creative place.
- Take a small step. Have a conversation with the little guy as you hold him whole, capable and resourceful.
Every time I give this seminar, or even work on the content, it helps as a great reminder for me. This morning when my fourth grader was almost late for school once again, I was getting impatient. But then I was able to pause. Instead of rushing and creating the stress for both of us, I connected with my vision.
While doing her pony tails, I told her this: "Being late for the school once in a while is not that bad. What we are doing here is helping you build a useful habit. When it’s really critical to be on time, you will be all ready for it." "Ok, for tomorrow I will wake up earlier then" she uttered from a calm, grounded place and headed out for her day at the school.
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