Why Online Dating Doesn't Work

Let's be honest: Online dating doesn't necessarily make it easier for you to find a partner ... but it should!

You answer hundreds of boring questions that are out of context only to realize you just spent over 45 minutes giving personal data about yourself that gets publicly displayed and shared with the site owners. Sound familiar?

In the current breed of "old dog" dating sites, there are a lot of users who just "pose and show off" to market themselves, answering questions dishonestly to make themselves seem more desirable. That makes it harder for you to select the singles who are right for you. When examining matches, we should cut out this "noisy data" and focus on the real goal: finding a compatible hook-up, friend, partner, soul mate ... whomever you are searching for. Plus, we should be able to do this quickly, easily and accurately. Don't you agree?

But online dating does not know how to re-invent itself. I saw this first-hand at the iDate conference in Las Vegas this January. As a single person using online dating sites, you face many challenges, and the sites cannot solve them. The number one, root cause under examination? The matching algorithm based on explicit user data.

The reason why OKCupid's "math-based" matching algorithm — and that of any other dating site that provides a compatibility score based on the users' explicit answers to questions — is flawed is because the data they collect is garbage. The saying goes: "Garbage in, garbage out." No wonder you end up going on dates with people you don't fully connect with or who misrepresent certain aspects of their persona.

Why is their data garbage? Here's why: the matching algorithm collects inherently biased data, because it requires users to "explicitly" answer questions about themselves and what they look for in others. These are things which they may be aware of and choose to "tweak in their favor", or they may not even know the answer to themselves! 

OKCupid is an old dog with new tricks. While the site has a decent interface, it creates the illusion that something smart is being calculated in the background. But it's not rocket science. Rather, it's all smoke and mirrors. While their calculations are accurate for what they intend to measure (whatever that may be), I question the validity of both what they claim is a "match" and the inputs they're using to calculate this with. In my humble opinion, their matching algorithm is incomplete and biased because they ignore some key attraction and compatibility indicators such as implicit personality, flirting styles, astrology, skill and scent. More importantly, the data used for it is contaminated with "explicit positive portrayals". Keep reading ...

More dating advice from YourTango:

• The Secret To Successful Online Dating
• Ladies, You Need To Watch Out For These Online Dating Red Flags
• What Is Mobile Dating? Should I Try It?

Explicit personality tests are imperfect and biased by design. Online dating sites that base their compatibility scores on "explicit" stimuli are forgetting that we humans tend to portray ourselves in a more positive light, whether purposefully or not. Let's face it. We do it all the time. We sugar coat things, make ourselves appear better than we really are, don't we? And if the goal is to "promote oneself" in a singles market, then we're going to exaggerate about how adventurous, outgoing, successful, handsome and romantic we are, aren't we? For example, ask anyone the question, "Are you generous?" Who is going to own up and say, "Not one bit. I'm a stingy scrooge?" Based on the answer of this one question, how can OKCupid's algorithm tell apart the genuinely generous person from the fake?

In the job market, 25% of people lie/exaggerate on their CVs (resumes), but here the employers conduct reference checks. In online dating, there is no such equivalent, and we would be delusional to think we could implement such checks effectively. So, we should expect these biases to be especially pervasive in online dating. I bet that the personality traits that people explicitly claim they have, versus the implicit traits that they actually have, differ at least 25% of the time. 

The online dating industry needs a "matching sauce" that takes into account the "implicit data" that we get from each person, rather than the "explicit" stimuli currently used. That is, we need to tap into the subconscious mind of each user, without invading their privacy or publishing their personal results, and use this data to match them with whom they are looking for.

A range of attraction and compatibility indicators need to be analyzed, and the user should be given the choice to assign more or less importance to each indicator. You should blend different ingredients into your own matching sauce. Some may feel that astrology measures attraction accurately, while others may feel that personalities (assessed by an implicit test) best indicate long-term compatibility. No matter how many dashes of astrology you mix into your sauce, you should at least include one dash of an "implicit personality test". Keep reading ...

Yes, the test exists. And it takes only two to four minutes to complete. It's easy, secure and online. We're testing it in the world's first social dating game, Flirt Planet. Input: relevant, reliable and unbiased data. Output: both users are a much better match for one another.  Let's be honest. Is that not the whole point of a dating site and a matching algorithm?

No more dogs, no more tricks. That is why I am creating for you a new species of online dating service where everyone is honest and matched based on honest data. So, stay tuned! Make sure you speak your mind and leave a comment. As this is my first post and I value your views. I promise that everyone else would value those too!