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Should You?—3 Smart Things To Do BEFORE Getting A Divorce


This is a big decision ... so make sure you put the support for YOU in place first. Here's how ...

Often when we are approaching big decisions—especially life changing decisions—we start by asking ourselves questions. We may meditate and go over it in our mind for days, weeks, months and yes, even years. This struggle is totally and utterly confusing, not to mention exhausting.

You know something is wrong in your relationship but you don’t know what to do, or how to fix it. Perhaps you feel deeply torn and worry about how divorce will impact your family and your children. You worry that whatever steps you take will be irreversible and that the life you end up with will be way worse than the life you know.

If you feel as if you are spinning endlessly, asking yourself, "Should I or Shouldn’t I?" there are 3 things you can do that will help stop that spinning, and gain clarity and momentum toward a resolution:

1. Find a partner.
When you are in that place of spinning, you need to talk with someone you can trust. We recommend it be a professional if possible. Whom you share with is important.

What kind of professional?
• The guidance counselor at your kids school
• A consultation with a lawyer
• A therapist who will help you focus with the emotional aspects
• An advisor, or coach who guides you through the whole process

What if you do not have access to a professional? Ask yourself:
• Whom do I really respect?
• Who will keep my story confidential?
• Who will give me genuine, constructive feedback?
• Who will suspend her/his own vested interests in my life?

2. Educate yourself.
The unknown is the scariest part. So it’s important to start gathering information. Armed with information, you will not only make more informed choices, but you’ll feel more in control of the situation.

• Find out what divorce laws are in your state
• Ask your friends if they have attorneys they would recommend
• Look for support groups in your area
• Look for free information: Go to workshops and attend webinars, sign up for free eBooks and newsletters and learn everything you can

3. Take a step everyday.
Often we stall or avoid things that we really don’t want to do or that are painful for us. However, this results in weeks and months slipping by without any progress. Instead, do one thing each day. Even if it’s very small, take a step:
• Open a new bank account of your own
• Start a journal
• Make plans with a friend
• Schedule a meeting with an attorney or accountant
• Start looking online for a new house or apartment
• Reach out to someone you know who has been through a divorce

The key is to get out of your head and make a move, no matter how small. One step will lead to another and you will begin to see and feel things differently. Understand that taking a step does not mean you are necessarily getting a divorce. It means you are finding out about your rights and your choices, and from there you will make the right decision.

SAS for Women™ is a comprehensive divorce information, education and support center. "Women are turning to Liza Caldwell and her partner Kimberly Mishkin – two of the top divorce advisors in New York City-- a new breed of advisers, who guide them through the journey every step of the way.”- Porter Magazine, Summer 2015. Connect with SAS for 6 free months of coaching via your inbox.


This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

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