I Left My Husband To Discover Myself

I was so young and naive when I got married.  I knew it was a mistake the moment I said—I do but felt I could not go back now.  I had been raised in a strict religious upbringing.  And your yes meant yes. Women were not allowed to be alone with a man who was not a relative.  So when I got married it was a shock to me. Both my husband and I were virgins so neither one of had any experience in sexual relations. So for me that side of marriage was very unfulfilling.  And because of my religious upbringing I let him be the head of the house since the scriptures say a wife is supposed to be submissive to her husband.

The first two years were uneventful as long as I did what he said everything was fine. I was never allowed in the decision making process in decisions at all including ones the dealt with the family.  It was his way or no way.  So to keep the peace I just gave in and continued to be a Godly wife.  But nothing could satisfy that man.  I could not clean good enough, cook good enough etc.  He was super critical of everything I did.  I felt like I had married my mother who was never satisfied with anything I did.  Even if I brought home all “A’s” and one “B” she would say is that the best you could do.  So after a while I just stop trying to please her.  And the same thing happened with him in our marriage.

Looking back now we had no marriage foundation. I had never seen a successful Christian marriage or any marriage and neither had he.  I had never lived the reality of that so I had no reference points. About the third year the verbal and emotional abuse begin.  Yet I stayed because I had made a vow before God. So I stayed for seven more years hoping and praying things would get better.  When the physical abuse started I left.  I got down on my knees and said to God. “I know if I stay I am going to die.  And as a dead Christian I cannot worship you.  Please forgive me.”  I agonized over this for a year and then a peace came over me when I finally packed and left.

I cried for months, Finally I got professional help.  Then I read every book on marriage I could find.  I took as many seminars and training as I could afford on love, marriage and dealing with negative emotions. I was determined I was not going to make the same mistake twice.  Here are some points I learned:

 Happiness is an inside job. It cannot be found in another person.
 I had to learn how to love myself before I could another man.
 I got rid of negativity—in myself and from other people.
 I take myself out at least once a week.
 I take care of myself-live a healthy lifestyle, full of exercise, fun , love and laughter.

Leaving him and discovering who I am has been wonderful journey. I had to learn to forgive myself and him.  And move forward to become who I am today.  I love the person I have become.  And when I chose to get married again I will have so much to bring to the table and share.  I also discovered that I attract who I am because “like attracts like”.  So the better I become the better he will be. I affirm in my life every day—I am in relations with a super extraordinary man who is open and receptive to making me and our relationship his number one priority. We love, cherish and adore each other in a super extraordinary way and express that love on a daily basis.

References:

Workshops:

Alison Armstrong--http://understandmen.com/ I took all her workshops.

Bradley Nelson-- http://www.drbradleynelson.com/ His book and sessions with his trained practitioners are wonderful.  I love the emotion code.