Is Your Chemistry Meter Broken?

Dating: What Does Chemistry Mean On A Date

Expert
Love

Had a great date with a guy but never heard from him again? Learn how to gauge romantic potential.

You met a guy, you went on a date, it was great and you had fantastic chemistry. You got all excited about the connection that you made with him and then suddenly, he just seemed to disappear,

If this scenario sounds familiar, then you can assume your "chemistry meter" is broken. We don't need to get into the reasons why (old childhood wounds, past heartbreak, etc); what we want to address is what you can do about it now.

The Chemistry Illusion

We women try to take this feeling we call chemistry — even if it's chemistry with a man who isn't good for us — and we interpret it as a sign that we have met someone special. We mistake how well a date went for understanding what a man is feeling. We guess that if there was chemistry and he showed interest, then he must be available, he must want a relationship and he must want it with us. But we're really just guessing all these things about a man we know almost nothing about.

What's more, if you do have strong chemical feelings for a guy right away, that is an instant sign that something is wrong. You're attaching a lot of meaning to very little substance and creating a fantasy. Chemistry is not a magic emotion: it is something that builds over time when you feel safe with someone and you build intimacy.

So if you can't go by your chemical intuition, what can you trust?

Go By What He Does 

How many hours and how much energy have you spent trying to come up with a reason for why a man doesn't follow up?  Well, there doesn't have to be a reason. Trying to read a man is a useless thing. Men are pretty simple: they're either into you, or they're not.

You will save yourself so much pain and anxiety if you stop the detective work and instead become an observer of what a man actually does. If a man likes you, he is supposed to call you and ask you out. If he likes you, he will follow up with you and keep asking you out. It's really as simple as that.

Attach no meaning to the fact that you feel all this chemistry with a man unless he's actually showing you with his actions that he's moving things forward. And, so you don't lose your mind while you're doing that, there's something incredibly powerful you should know about: circular dating.

Circular Dating means you date more than one man at a time until you have the commitment you want from the man who is right for you. And you do this by going out with guys you're not necessarily attracted to but who are doing what they're supposed to be doing. That is, calling you, following up with you and asking you out.

Circular Dating is free therapy; when you date a range of guys who show up in your life, you won't get hung up on any one guy. Passion comes from inside you (not from some guy), and when you feel safe with someone, you can let it out. You'll be surprised by how passionate some of these guys (who you're not initially head-over-heels for) can be if you give them a chance.

If you think you feel overwhelming chemistry for men who leave you hanging, just imagine what you can experience with a man who truly cares for you, cherishes you and does what a man is supposed to do when he's into you!

Rori teaches women how to attract the right man and have the kind of close, connected relationship they've dreamed of. To learn specific ways to relate to a man  from the early stages of dating all the way through a blissful commitment  subscribe to Rori's free newsletter. You'll discover a new, fun way to think about relationships and dating that's all about you, raises your self-esteem, and draws the right man to you effortlessly.

Author
Expert

Explore YourTango