2 Steps To Feeling More Confident

By Rori Raye

If you're at all like me, every day of your life, nearly every minute, thoughts cross your mind that say "Why did you do that?" or "That was a stupid thing to do, why do you always do that?"

More from YourTango: The #1 Way To Inspire His Devotion (Plus 3 Common Mistakes)

These thoughts are a voice inside your head—a Nasty Voice—that seems to come up every time something frightening or exciting happens. It makes you doubt yourself and keeps you from being your best self. The Nasty Voice can also whittle away at your confidence around a man. It makes you seem uncertain and tense, and does nothing to attract him to you.

When you can deal with the Nasty Voice, you can gain more confidence and feel more relaxed. Here are two steps to doing that:

Step 1: Stop believing the Nasty Voice.

Instead of focusing on believing the good things you want for yourself, focus on not believing the bad things.

Let’s say you want something from a relationship with a man, but your Nasty Voice hits you with that old lie: "You? How could YOU think you deserve that?"

Here’s what you do: DON'T FIGHT the Voice. Don't argue, or get defensive, or tell it it's wrong. But more importantly, DON'T BELIEVE it. Know that its job is to make you feel inadequate, whether or not it’s true.

Try a sense of humor. Laugh at the Nasty Voice, "Oh, it’s YOU again!" Treat it like unimportant chatter from a nearby table at the coffee shop.

Step 2: Focus on something you like.

It could be a dress in a window, the color of the flower on the table, your bracelet, his eyes, a picture on the wall, your shoes — anything you like that makes you feel good.

Focus on it just long enough to feel good inside for those few seconds. Then go back to what you're doing.

Do this over and over again. Do it until it feels natural. And it will feel natural.

Remember, your goal is not to get RID of your Nasty Voice. Everyone has one, and yours will be with you for the rest of your life. You can live with it, as long as you don’t allow it to run your life.

When you let your Nasty Voice run your life, you end up repeating the same old
mistakes over and over again in relationships. It's makes you stuck, even when you’ve had so many experiences and worked so hard to make love work. Your Nasty Voice can make you stay in bad relationships too long, ruin a good relationship or prevent you from connecting with a great man on a first date.

More from YourTango: Get Your Man to Open Up

Whenever you feel yourself losing confidence, refuse to believe all the negative chatter and focus on something beautiful and joyful. You’ll feel and look better instantly.

You can find out more about how to do what works to elevate your self-esteem and make a man fall in love with you, while avoiding the things that actually push a man away by signing up for Rori Raye’s free newsletters at www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com.