Raising Successful Kids As A Gay Dad

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Raising Successful Kids While Embracing My Homosexuality
The secret to raising successful children? Hint: it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

It's been a few weeks since the defeat of DOMA and since Prop 8 became history. The day those rulings came down, our household celebrated by dancing and attending a celebratory rally. That's right, the whole family — my partner, my 18- and 14-year-old daughters and myself. Now hold off on thinking that we forced them to go to the rally. In fact, this is what our family life is like. Two guys! Two teen girls! All out and proud and being a modern family! Yet, I would be remiss and dishonest if I said I knew this was how it was always going to be.  

Back in September 2001, just four days after 9/11, if anyone had told me that some guy would sweep me off my feet, wrap my daughters in a warm embrace and that we would become a family, I would have spit out my extra-dirty Martini all over them. Yet that's exactly what happened (the family stuff, not the martini), and the kids (our daughters) are all right. Of course it took a lot of time and patience from my partner, my ex-wife and myself to make this party of five work.

Some media outlets will lead you to believe that children raised by gay parents will be defected in some way. On the contrary, kids raised in same-sex households are perfectly normal — however "normal" is defined for kids these days! With divorce rates skyrocketing and marriage success at an all-time low, I have to ask how a child raised in a same-sex household has any less of a chance of coming out on top than a kid raised by a heterosexual couple? As long as there are active, participating parents in their lives, they've got a great chance of turning out well. Can I get an "Amen"?

The truth is — at least from my experience with my daughters — that having two dads and a mom has been much better for them than some other possible scenarios, for example: a dead-beat dad or mom who says, "I can't deal with parenthood!" and leaves. Of course, not all heterosexual parents are losers who walk away from the responsibilities of child rearing, just as not all gay parents are irresponsible or set poor examples.

However, I don't know a parent who wouldn't say, if they were being totally honest, "This parenthood stuff is awful sometimes!" So how did I make it not awful as a parent, let alone as a newly-openly-gay parent, and ensure that my 9-month-old and 4.5-year-old turn out to be well-adjusted young ladies in society? I worked my butt off, respected my ex-wife and made room for my partner to become part of the parenthood trio. Of course, I also made sure that my daughters never felt undue pressure to support their gay dad unless they felt compelled to.

I know it may sound crazy to say, but I gave them the choice to love me as a gay dad even at that young age. In fact, I think I gave them more choices than most kids get who are the product of a heterosexual divorce. I don't believe I forced anything down their throats or brain-washed them. I was just honest and forthright in a manner that they could understand. Keep reading...

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Article contributed by

Rick Clemons

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Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, live their passion while loving their work, and live authentically. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

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