I Hid In The Closet For 13 Years Of Marriage

By

I Hid In The Closet For 13 Years Of Marriage [EXPERT]
Here's what happened when I told my wife and daughters I was gay.

Yes, I hid in the closet through 13 years of marriage. I brought two young girls into the world only to turn their universe upside-down and inside-out by putting them through divorce and admitting I'm gay.

Go ahead. Sling the mud, call me a jerk and tell me this article is trash. Feel better? Good, because that's all about you, not me. And yes, when I came out of the closet, it did save my daughters lives.

It didn't save them from broken hearts; it didn't save them from shuffling between two households; it didn't save them from having to answer awkward questions. However, I believe based on my experience and feedback from my daughters, that my decision to come out did all of the following: banished all possibilities of them growing up with a narrow-minded perspective of life; rescued them from a false sense of self, based on "living to please others"; taught them the power of "love is love"; validated that there are no mistakes, only opportunities to grow; and mirrored for them that trusting yourself to be yourself takes courage but is also a gift that only you can give yourself.

Of course, at 5 years and 18 months old, they didn't spout these feelings from their innocent mouths. It's taken years of holding them, continuing to keep the focus on their growth, development and well being and daily talking to them and making sure they know they are loved.

Without staying that course and maintaining that focus, I would be just another "low-life, divorced parent, who decided to live for himself, saying screw everyone else." How do I know that? Because I've have those accusations flung at me almost as many times as the Kardashians have been called names.

In those embittered moments where those who must judge judged me, I turned to the text book lessons of my life and stumbled through, knowing that no matter what we would thrive — my daughters, my ex-wife and I — knowing those who yielded the swords of judgment were also those who lacked the aptitude to know what was best for my daughters, my ex-wife or myself.

It's a human condition to claim to understand what's best for someone else. Yet, unless you're asked to intervene, it might be best to steer clear. In the midst of these catastrophic life transitions — divorce, job loss, death, coming out — no one understands better what's needed, desired and necessary to heal than the individuals caught in the vortex of the tornado.

Keep reading...

More love advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Rick Clemons

Author

Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, live their passion while loving their work, and live authentically. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

Join Rick's Monthly "Guyz Like Us" Free Coaching Call For Gay Men!

Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter.

Schedule A Discovery Session - Click Here

Twitter - @rickclemons
Facebook -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Rick The Coming Out Coach
You Tube Channel -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Coming Out Coach

Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Rick Clemons:

Are Closeted Gay Men Cheaters?

By

Emotional, physical, and intimate disconnects often lead to infidelity. So does hiding in the closet. But who's to blame for the "hidden agenda?" In my five years as The Coming Out Coach, I've worked with a little over 100 people from all walks of life, who have finally taken that brave step forward to be honest with themselves about their ... Read more

Gray And Gay: Why You Shouldn't Fear Coming Out Late In Life

By

As the gay marriage movement gains momentum and even the President is on board with the idea of it, more and more people are able to walk proudly into their sexual truth. Coming out happens no matter your age, race or cultural heritage. It's happening minute-by-minute, day-by-day. Granted, the challenges to come out and be yourself can be more difficult ... Read more

10 Tips For Parents Who Find Out Their Kid Is Gay

By

"Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Rarely are these words met with fanfare and rainbow flags flying, except in the rare instance when your parents already knew and were just waiting for you to admit it. The more common reactions are fear, disappointment, confusion and outright anger. But the worst is when a parent's first thought is, "how am I ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB