We're better at this marriage thing than you might think!
It's June, which means, not only is it Gay Pride across the globe, but wedding month, as well. All wrapped up in one nice little bow!
What I find even more exciting, this June, is the fact that the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) finally ruled in favor of constitutionalizing gay marriage nationally. In other words, the face of marriage has finally been slapped with a new shade of equality blush, once and for all.
So, what does this have to do with why gay couples have the upper hand in understanding marriage better than straight couples? What makes a modern gay marriage work? It's the deep-seeded desire for what we've been told we couldn't have.
For starters, we've had to work HARD to let those two little sentimental words drip off our tongues — "I do!"
In fact, we've had to work extremely hard to get the same 1,138 rights that our heterosexual counterparts have taken for granted. Heck, how many of you heterosexual couples even realize you had 1,138 rights sitting in your laps this whole time; rights worth millions of dollars to those of us who've been denied the right to marry, up until recently, in 37 states.
For example, my partner and I spent a little over $5,000 just to get legal, financial, and medical power of attorney authorizations written to ensure we didn't have to fight hospitals, banks, and family members to prove our love. Cold, hard, unmarried dollars to prove that we were of sound mind and willing to take responsibility for each other in a time of crisis.
It kind of makes you appreciate spending that average of $25,200 on your wedding, to get 1,138 rights immediately, imparted to you at no additional cost!
However, there's so much more to why we gays got it going on in the marriage ring (pun intended) than the aforementioned. Here are 3 more reasons we're great at marriage:
- We know tired old gender roles have no place in relationships ... inside and out of the bedroom.
One of the most common questions that I've been asked is" "Who's the woman, and who's the man in the relationship?" I love watching their faces when I say, "We both are!" There are no gender assigned roles in the bedroom or in the household chores! We both bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan. In fact we both garden, do home repairs, interior decorate, clean house, do the laundry, plan vacations, pay the bills, manage the checking accounts, raise the kids, and we even share carpool duties!
One of the greatest benefits of the same-sex marriage is we tell gender roles to "take a hike." Instead, we focus on what we're each good at without one ounce of effort being put into the thought of, "That's a man/woman's job!" If we had to wait around for a woman to do some of the stuff that a woman is "supposed" to do in our household, we'd have gray pubic hair and saggy man boobs before that stuff would get done!
- We understand that emotional and sexual monogamy are not always the same thing.
Another piece of the success recipe, at least from what I have observed in my gay married peers, is they seem to have a handle on fidelity and infidelity. Call it flexible monogamy, open relationships, or sexually secure — one of the pillars of strength is our ability to define fidelity and infidelity, our own way, in our own marriage.
Given the fact that society perceives gays and lesbians (yes I'm generalizing) as sexually promiscuous beings, we tap into our gay DNA and work overtime to prove society wrong on that pointed finger. For the most part, we're typically forthright and open about our sexual escapades, refuse to bottle up our sexual energy for the sole purpose of procreation and Saturday night rides, and we tend to define monogamy and sexual freedom in ways that work for us in our gay marriage.
This is not to say, it's all rainbows and unicorns. It's simply rainbows with a twist, which really wouldn't be any different for our heterosexual brothers and sisters if they'd loosen up, be more truthful about what's really going on in their households and specifically, their bedrooms!
- We're masters as living together happily for the long haul.
Finally, many gay couples have watched from the sidelines as the fabric of marriage was, immorally, ripped at the seams, by divorce, in the heterosexual hands of society. Chuckling to ourselves, not because of the divorce rate, but because we find humor in the fact that so many opponents of gay marriage try to blame us for the deteriorating institution of marriage. Need we remind society, the first gay marriages in the U.S. didn't begin until 2004, so why are you holding hundreds and thousands of years of broken marriages over our heads?
For many of us who've ventured into the blissful arms of gay marriage, we've vowed deeply, as Tim Gunn would say to, "Make it work!" The divorce rate amongst same-sex couples is lower than that of heterosexual couples based on a study conducted by The Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity Law, and Public Policy.
Why? Many of us, have been living together for so long that gay marriage became the icing on the, proverbial, wedding cake — only solidifying that commitment is, as commitment does!
But, the real reason we got this gay marriage pony working so well is that through it all, we deeply understand that love is love, even if that love means "like" attracts "like." Maybe it's the opposites that need to brush up on that thought?