I often hear people say, "Facebook ruins relationships." And I must admit, I absolutely loved that the last guy I dated didn't have an account. But Facebook doesn't ruin relationships. Neither do strip clubs, porn, or online dating sites. People ruin relationships.
While Facebook gives us an easy, casual way to get in touch with people, it doesn't make our choices for us. We need to take responsibility for our actions. We still decide what defines cheating in our relationships, and whether or not we will cross that line. We still decide how much attention we should pay to other people, and how much attention we are comfortable receiving. When I hear people blame Facebook, strip clubs, or anything else for the problems in their marriage, it reminds me of what is (in my opinion) one of the worst personality flaws: the inability to admit the truth. 3 Mistakes Women Make When They Suspect Cheating
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If your goal is to brush things under the rug and pretend everything in your relationship is fine, then by all means stay off Facebook. Cancel girls' night out. Stay away from any bachelor parties. Monitor each other's internet use, and check each other's phone. You know, just in case.
But if your goal is to have a solid, healthy relationship, one that is based on trust and commitment, recognize that any fears you have about Facebook in your relationship are deeper issues that should be worked through in counseling.
I've heard several people say that infidelity in their marriages ultimately served to strengthen the marriage. Clearly it was not the act of infidelity that improved the relationship, but the resulting attention paid to the relationship after the affair. Rather than wait or hope your fears never materialize, confront these fears early on. In a healthy relationship, you won't have to spend your time worrying about what your partner will do. And you won't worry that you'll be tempted to stray, either. You'll trust each other. You'll trust yourself.
Facebook is not the problem. Figure out what is, and work through it together.
And don't forget to click the little button to "like" this article on Facebook.
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Rebecca A. Marquis is the author of How to Be a Good Boyfriend: 34 ways to keep her from getting annoying, jealous, or crazy. amzn.com/145632411X
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