Who Determines Your Worth?
By Ph.D. Sherrie Campbell. Posted on .
We all have the power to determine our own self-worth and yet so many of us base our worth on the opinions and thoughts of other people and outside circumstances. I believe a lack of self-worth resides at the very core of all our insecurities. It’s a loop where a lack of self-worth creates insecurity and insecurity further lowers our ideas about ourselves. Once in this cycle, it can be very challenging to think differently and to develop the confidence to focus on changing our minds about ourselves.
When we are not in touch with our worth our lives are run by feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. We are never sure of our position in our relationships and we have the fear that underneath everyone’s niceness to us is the truth of their dislike for us. Because a lack of self-worth creates fears of abandonment we often unconsciously turn to people-pleasing as a way to maintain love. When we do not know our worth we have no internal compass to direct us in our lives, and therefore we base all of who we are on the needs, directions and desires of someone else. We are consistently waiting for love from outside rather than figuring out how garner love and approval from within. This is an incredibly painful way to live because it is a life lived out of waiting for love and security rather than actively creating love and security. Let us first identify the signs of low self-worth and then move immediately into starting our change process!
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Signs that we are suffering from low self-worth:
*Constantly comparing ourselves to other people and seeing ourselves as not measuring up.
*Basing our opinion of ourselves on how we think others perceive us.
*Allowing less than desirable treatment in relationships.
*Having poor body image.
*The need for constant reassurance from others that we are smart, attractive or lovable.
*Caring more about what others think of us than what we think of ourselves.
*Desperate for love, and loving all the wrong people.
*Always putting others before ourselves
*Consumed with feelings of guilt and fear.
*Feeling as if we owe people something for their kindness.
*Attracting noncommittal relationships.
*Unable to make decisions out of the fear of upsetting someone else.
*Suffering from the feeling that others are always mad at or talking about us.
*Justifying being treated in substandard ways even though our partner’s poor treatment is hurting us.
*Letting other people determine our moods.
*Living in a constant state of waiting to know what our plans are based upon what others want.
*Jealousy.
*The use of being controlling or manipulating in relationships to feel a sense of power.
