Think about the most annoying people in your life, whether it is a partner, a boss, a friend or someone else close to you. In these relationships you seem to lose track of yourself and you can’t figure out how or why, but before you know it you are acting like a maniac or you are feeling constantly uncertain. You can look back in history and see you have not behaved this way in any other relationships but in this particular relationship you seem to get hooked every time. Why do certain people have this power over us? These people make us feel crazy. They make us feel like there is always some edge we about to fall off or we feel constantly confused. This is why they are called Crazy Makers. Keep reading and we will unravel this behavioral pattern. In this article I will offer you strategies in dealing with these types of people. Let us begin with analyzing some of the behavioral patterns associated with Crazy-Makers.
Characteristics of Crazy-Makers:
Nice Person Facade: Crazy makers hide their true identities by acting nice, altruistic, empathic, concerned and caring because this is what they want people to know them as. When you first meet them you will often have instant rapport and you will think they are the nicest people. Beware, however, because they can turn themselves into whatever you want to see, but only long enough to lure you in. Once you have been lured in you will see all things end up in arguments and your general emotional state becomes one of frustration and anger. Because they still have that ‘nice’ side you will continually justify your relationship with them and live in a world of confusion. It is a process of getting mad enough to leave the relationship to getting lured back in over and over.
Lack of reciprocity: These people want life to be full of fun, leisure and excitement. Anything outside of fun is not their thing. They prefer for others to take care of all things boring or difficult. In other words they are allergic to the words responsibility and/or accountability. Anyone who tries to delay their gratification will experience the wrath of their discontent. They are not in relationships to see what they can put into them. They enter relationships to see what they can get out of them or to how much they can get someone else to take care of them. Beware, they always get more than they give and they really do not care much how you feel about it.
They are selfish: This is their central feature. Crazy-makers do not operate in relationships with an ounce of empathy or fairness. Their idea of fairness is they get what they want exactly at the moment they want it. They feel entitled to this. They have reputations for being stubborn, opinionated, and unreliable and they tend to refuse to perform on demand. They are intentional in their desire to get others annoyed all the while acting as if everyone outside of them is overreacting. It is their world and you are just a visitor.
They are not wrong EVER: These egocentric creatures live in a world of complete distortion where they see themselves as the victims of their circumstances. From their perception they never make mistakes, they are never wrong and their motives always have pure intent. These people will not take responsibility for their own behavior. One of their more maddening qualities is they are unable to distinguish important from unimportant matters, making it difficult for them to give in on unimportant matters. Instead they argue over nothing, often reserving some of their most intense concerns for issues that are of very little significance. This deflects their responsibility off the issue at hand in an attempt to pull their victims off target. They will use anything to justify their anger and point of view and let you know why you are wrong. They only see certain facts and eliminate all other useful information. They are completely out of touch with the big picture and there is no one who can get them to change their thinking.
They throw tantrums: These people have tantrums down to a science, or maybe even an art form. They make a lot of noise when they do not get immediate gratification and may come out throwing verbal threats, justifications and rationalizations for why the deserve to have their demands met. Their other favorite way to throw a tantrum is to make you feel you do not exist. They will make noise in one form or another all in an effort to get you so far away from your rational mind that you will either attack back (so they can blame you for your “anger”) or you will give in because it is not worth the fight. Either reaction perpetuates the process because either way these annoying people are getting their way.
Provoke irritations: Crazy makers behave in a covertly hostile ways so no matter what reaction you have it will be wrong. Some of their provocations show up in chronic forgetfulness, foot-dragging, lateness, withholding and stubbornness. They further use a host of nonverbal behaviors to provoke rage in others such as eye rolling, ignoring, sighing loudly, smirking, comments under the breath, sarcasm and deflection. Their whole intent is to get the other to rage so they can point the finger at the other person taking no responsibility at all for their part. To add insult to injury, they are masters at using insincere apologies to appear innocent, such as “all I said was…” or “I only meant that…” which passively places the blame on the victim for being ‘too sensitive’ or ‘taking things the wrong way.’
These people get especially annoyed when others others try and tell them what to do. “I’ll do it in a minute…” is one of their more famous lines. They react with anger when they are asked to cooperate. They see a request as a demand and cooperating and submitting.
Chronic lateness is another one of their favorite ways to establish dominance as a powerful withholding strategy. Here, these people have the opportunity to promise others a beneficial arrangement for all involved in preparation for disappointing them. After committing to mutually acceptable goals they refuse to live up to the arrangement. They even train themselves to be sensitive to what other people want and need just so they can avoid giving it to them.
Deflection is a tactic used to escape the point at hand and therefore responsibility and they use the apology to achieve that. One of their more fancied lines is “sorry” or “I screwed up.” This is their way of escaping responsibility by deflecting and essentially not taking responsibility but making the sorry lead into an excuse. Why, because they are not sorry. They will turn around and make the same mistake over and over again. Soon their apologies become more offensive than the original assault.
More Juicy Content From YourTango: