How often do you "turn the other cheek" only to be met with the same fate — anger you then suppress. How often do you witness your husband spending money on "toys" for him and then complaining to you the orthodontist for your 11-year-old is too expensive.
How often does your husband "loan" money to his "can't-hold-a-job brother" and then complains to you the $250 shoes you bought are too expensive.
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Do you purchase things and hide them when you get home?
He fusses over the lights being left on when you leave the room but "forgets" to bring the grocery bags to the store and has to pay 10 cents per bag additional?
What holds our voices silent? Fear.
Fear of rejection, fear of loosing control, fear that unpleasant or hurtful things might be said … and not be taken back. Fear that our shameful feelings might get exposed ... and then what? Fear to be seen as we are, authentically.
If you are not talking openly about money, there are probably other things that are being avoided that then add to the widening distance between you and your spouse. That may explain why sometimes instead of a vitality, there is deadness.
All relationships, regardless of the nature, at some point come down to trust; a lack of trust indicates a lack of intimacy. This could be between siblings, parents and their children as well as couples.
There is no upside to hiding challenging conversations from your partner. Money is the number one reason for divorce; it always will surface at some point and in the meanwhile, will appear in symbols and metaphors, confusing everyone.
Start talking, start living fully. If you're struggling to untangle your emotions from your money, remember: It's never about the money … even when it is!
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