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How To Save Your Marriage From Money Problems

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How To Save Your Marriage From Money Problems
Stressing over bills?
Do you have enough saved? What happens if either of you loses a job? Be prepared!

Even if your spouse isn't talking about it, don't assume he/she is not thinking about it: money. In these economic times, it would be very rare if someone did not worry on some level about finances. And worrying is all about the future. It's all fear-driven and, in some cases, the fear is covering up the shame.

In relationships, it's about future financial stability. So are you building something together or going along and letting your emotions control your decisions?

More from YourTango: You And Your Financial Secrets: Why Faking It Won't Work Anymore

Here are five common worries about money in a relationship:

1. Do we have enough?
2. What is enough?
3. What happens if we have an unexpected expense?
4. What happens if either of us loses our job?
5. How do we resolve the double standards in our spending styles?

So how do you save your marriage from the stress of money? Start with quantity: Where are both of you right now with your net income? Look at your joint income and expenses and be honest about them. Don't spend time now wishing or planning for what might be in the future. The future is not here yet, that promotion has not arrived yet, and that bonus is still in the sky.

More from YourTango: The Upside Of Anger

Second, both partners need to agree on the "division of labor," as I call it. Decide who is doing what. If both partners are not having children right away, but want to at some point, then that creates an added column on the spreadsheet you should prepare when you sit down talk finances. Do you have enough now to cover your basic expenses and have money left over? If so, only then do you add in the items that you "want" but don't "need."  Manicures, for example, fall into the "want" column. His weekly racquetball game at the club may help build his business, that could be a need; there is quantifiable result in spending money each month on that club. Keep reading...

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Pegi Burdick

Money Coach

Pegi Burdick

The Financial Whisperer® Untangling Your Money From Your Emotions

Check out my book:  It's NEVER about the Money...even when it is

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Empowering Women, Financial Stress, Life Management
Other Articles/News by Pegi Burdick:

You And Your Financial Secrets: Why Faking It Won't Work Anymore

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One of the benefits of having a pre-martial chat about money is that one walks into the commitment feeling 'clean'; no secrets, no worrying at 3AM because you have debts you never told your partner about and they are looming up. Money issues bring up a wheel barrel of issues including shame, fear and isolation — the trifecta of ... Read more

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Bringing your pre-relationship Anger ‘luggage' into your marriage can sometimes be a positive thing, believe it or not. Have you noticed, everyone is becoming edgier, crankier? Lately, I have been noticing at an alarming rate of increase, people around me, on the streets, driving, standing on line getting coffee, are short fused. Say ... Read more

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People often confuse loneliness with isolation. When pressed, most people struggle with the difference and end up asking me to explain. There are three levels of isolation. They are:  People are physically separated or have minimal contact with others. People interact on a more personal level i.e. the workplace. There is a familiarity, maybe ... Read more

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