What's Your Secret?

By

What's Your Secret?
The secrets and benefits of a long-term happy marriage.

Before we got married, for many years, Orna loved to ask long-married couples she met what their secret was. Meeting an older couple at the airport, parents of friends, even couples at the market would lead to her asking, “So, what’s your secret?” She knew that in their answers lay the key to finding and keeping long lasting love.

We knew all along that the goal wasn’t to get married. The goal was to have a happy marriage. Getting married is easy. Staying married is a whole different ball game. Staying happy while staying married was and is the real goal.

 

The answers she got were varied but they all revealed a mindset that was intentional. “Marry your best friend,” was the advice of a 70ish gentleman in the airport who had a sparkle in his eye and an obvious love for his wife. “Give the other person room to be themselves,” a mother of one of her friends told Orna. “Always be sure to listen,” came from an older couple while waiting for a table at a restaurant.

Each of these couples knew that having a long and happy marriage was important to them and was worth focusing on. It seemed that they had an intuitive sense that a good marriage didn’t just happen but that it took attention and care. They also knew that by giving it attention and care that they were getting benefit for themselves.

Little did we know that there were a lot more benefits to a long and happy marriage than just the obvious ones. Decades of studies have shown the mental and physical benefits of a healthy marriage no matter what your sex, age, or race. Married people live longer, suffer less depression, are healthier, have less stress and better nutrition. A happy marriage provides an emotionally fulfilling, intimate relationship, creating a sense of social connection, enhancing both physical and mental health.

Of course the same is not true of an unhappy marriage. Sometimes the responses Orna got to the “What’s your secret?” question was great advice in what not to do. “We don’t talk to each other when no one else is here,” said one friend’s mother. An in-laws father joked, “We’ve hidden the keys to the gun cabinet.” “I just let my wife always call the shots,” one man told her; a perfect recipe for resentment. These couples have been together a long time, however, it would be hard to describe them as happily married couples.

The studies are just as clear for unhappily married couples and divorced or unmarried people. Effects of bad marriages include high blood pressure, heart disease, anxiety, depression and substance abuse. According to the data, these effects are worse on women than on men. A bad marriage creates a highly stressful environment, which increases the likelihood of divorce. Research shows that divorce is associated with an increased risk of physical illness, depression, and premature death.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Orna And Matthew Walters

Dating Coach

Creating Love On Purpose…not just by accident!

We are Relationship Coaches for Singles who desire LOVE!

Everything in life worth having takes effort. When it comes to matters of the heart we all seem to buy into the idea that it will happen by magic. The truth is that your internal guidance system will continue to create the same dysfunctional relationships over and over again . . . until we make the effort to change our story!

You don't have to settle for just enough! You can have it all! And we are here to show you how.

Watch our video: "Why Smart Women Stay Single"

and receive Love Notes Weekly, the Creating Love On Purpose Newsletter

- voted one of the 10 Best Love Blogs by Dating Advice dot com. 

 

“Focus On Love – Change Your Life!”

Orna and Matthew Walters, C.Ht.

 

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT, Other
Other Articles/News by Orna and Matthew Walters:

Don't Trip Over Love, Plan For It

By

If you are single and looking for love, it is likely that you have a belief that is blocking you from finding that great relationship you desire. We call this belief, "The Myth of Accidental Love." The Myth of Accidental Love is something that we are introduced to at a very young age (usually in a Disney movie), and it shows up in all parts of our ... Read more

Pheromones May Have Less To Do With Attraction Than You Think

By

The science of attraction is constantly proposing theories about why we find each other attractive. Scientists have studied whether symmetry or asymmetry is more attractive (both in bodies and faces), the shapes of our bodies and faces and how that affects attraction, and especially the effect of how we smell. Pheromones, or the chemical secretions we emit ... Read more

What About Conscious Coupling?

By

There’s a ton of buzz happening about our friend and colleague, Katherine Woodward Thomas’ “Conscious Uncoupling” thanks to Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announcing their split in this way. Always happy to hear that people are doing things consciously, mind-fully and purposefully for the highest and best intentions of all ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular