While many people are texting and hooking up, it's getting in the way of creating real relationships
Want Love? – Stop Texting!
In today’s tech savvy world there are zillion ways to connect – email, phone, text message, facetime, instant message, etc. If you are looking for a real relationship, then it is time to start communicating in the right way with the right tool.
The biggest problem we see with our clients is that they end up having a text conversation – this can be via email, instant message or text messaging – when they should be having an actual live conversation.
Tone of voice cannot be read in a text only communication. This means that your brain is filling in the blanks about the intended tone behind the words you read. It is simply too easy to create a fantasy relationship without really knowing what is going on with the person on the other end. All too often you misread what was written and create severe miscommunication; wreaking havoc on your relationships.
Whether we are working with a single client looking for love, or a couple who is looking to create connection and work through a rough spot – we focus on COMMUNICATION. It is the foundation of every relationship we have.
Taking the time to learn communication skills will pay off for you in all areas of your life, and at any age. We truly believe you can say anything to anyone; it’s all in HOW you say it.
When we meet someone, we teach them how to treat us. We can do this consciously or unconsciously – we find the best results occur with the former.
If you are dating and looking to get into a committed relationship, then text messaging is great for one kind of communication only: LOGISTICS. Such as, “I'm on my way downstairs,” “Meet me in the coffee shop,” “I’m running 10 minutes late,” etc.
We see all too often that relationships go awry due to miscommunication via email and text messages. Simply stop sending them! Request the kind of communication you prefer. We coached a client recently who was asked out on a date via text to request a phone call instead. She quickly weeded out the guys who were not serious in creating a relationship.
This does not apply if you are simply having fun, not looking to settle into a relationship. The current Hook Up culture is catering to guys who have always desired to get casual sex and nothing more. If you want more – then it is up to you to settle for nothing less – the guy who likes you and wants a relationship with you will step up and pursue.
We hear all too often from young women who tell us that they want to be pursued and wooed and yet they are doing all the work, leaving no room for the guy to do any of the pursuing. The right guy will step up for you and will want to please you. If you believe that these kind of men don’t exist, then you must first shift that limiting belief and re-claim your self-esteem.
Limiting your text communication is beneficial in every relationship stage, from first date through 40 years of marriage. It is never a good idea to text how you feel, or text a novel over to someone holding your breath for a response.
Our 24-year old client told us she didn’t completely believe us that a guy would behave the way we told her – until it happened. She didn’t just listen to our coaching, she changed how she communicated, asked for what she wanted, and is now dating a guy for two months who is calling her on the phone, asking her out in advance, and is doing all the pursuing.
So if you are truly interested in creating a relationship, and not just having another hook-up, sweetly let that guy know that you want him to call you if he wants to see you. Once you make your desired form of communication known, ignore the texts asking, “Want to hang out sometime?”