Parental relationship role models are the primary source children gravitate toward as adults.
Have you heard kids say, "When I grow up, I want to marry Mom (or Dad)?" Our response is centered on the innocence and sweetness of the moment, however it should also be a wake up announcement to the truth of those words. Children will mirror their parental relationship role model when they become adults and it is a couple's responsibility to show the right way of relating in love.
The Generational Factor
As a relationship coach, my experience shows that generational cycles grow stronger, not weaker in one's children. We are all designed to find soul fulfillment in our sense of belonging, worthiness and competency. It is your ability as a parent to have the capacity to communicate and instill this sense of wholeness.
Without a solid foundation, you will be unable to write emotionally healthy scripts for your children and end up doing and saying what is familiar on what is already programed in your mind. Although you can not erase what is in your subconscious mind, you can rewrite your truths and replace those go-to reactions.
Preparing to teach a better way starts with your relationship. Contrary to popular trends, kids are not the center of attention in the family unit. It is important to model the following in your relationship to build their character:
- Let kids see forgiveness in action. Learning how to resolve conflict without the drama of punishing each other with long silences and days of tension is paramount in teaching your kids a better way. If you work together to address the real source of disagreements and deepen your understanding of each other, you can show by example the path from conflict to understanding, resolution to deeper love.
- Lead a disciplined life. Your children will learn reliability and dependability through your model as a couple. You do not lead an indulgent life in doing whatever you feel like at the moment. Spontaneity, entertainment and pleasure is balanced in a disciplined life but those are not the primary drivers. Children need stability and structure over entertainment to feel safe and secure.
More relationship advice from YourTango Experts: