Deciding to end a relationship can be painful, but what if you could start over?
By Ruby Binns-Cagney — Written on Oct 13, 2011
Sometimes you have to know when to quit. Relationships are tough enough when things are going well, let alone when things are not so great. How do you know when to go, and when to stay?
Ask yourself 3 questions:
What does being in this relationship mean to me ?
What can I do to enhance my relationship ?
What about my relationship makes it worth fighting for?
Looking at these areas of your relationship are only the beginning to solving the problems. One client told me she knew it was time to leave her relationship of 9 years when she no longer cared that her boyfriend chose to spend the weekends at his buddy's house rather than talk with her about thier problems. The first time he mentioned a poker game and asked her if she would mind if he went over there, she didn't mind. She was glad of the space to herself and the time to think about their situation without him disturbing her.
After a month of going to his buddy's house for the weekend, and staying out all weekend she asked him if he was seeing someone else, which he denied, but he admitted that there was something about being with his buddies that he craved, and it was time without talking about their problems. Their relationship broke down after tthey spent the next six months of him avoiding talking about their relationship.
Knowing when to stay is the most difficult decision a person could have to make, as the parameters of the relationship often dictate who should stay or go. If the relationship is so high profile that there are interwoven elements into business and finance and children, a breakdown can be devastating to all parties, and therefore needs careful negotiation.
Opening up the lines of communication between a couple who are experiencing problems can be equally difficult, as it is often the communication between a couple which breaks down first, and not speaking to each other is often one of the first problems a client will tell me about when their relationship is in jeaopardy.
Working with a professional is paramount in these circumstances. Some couples suffer in broken relationships, situations and marriages trying to work things out on their own before embarking on therapy, or counselling, and this is a mistake.
The sooner help and guidance can be received when your marriage or relationship is in trouble, the faster you can be on your way to healing it and growing stronger.
Until next time,
Best regards
Ruby Binns-Cagney