Do you find that you have a pattern of trying to hide your negative feelings from a man who isn't treating you the way you wish he would?
When we women love a man and feel that his feelings for us are not as strong as ours are, we feel A LOT of intense, scary feelings, most of which are negative. We are bitter, sad, scared, anxious and even angry.
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We also feel like we have to hold these feelings inside. We feel we have to stuff them down, keep them under wraps, so that our man doesn’t get turned off by our draining emotions.
We don’t want to burden him with our pain, fearing it will all be too much for him and he will leave.
So we ignore our feelings and needs and busy ourselves by doing for him. We act like the most loving, able and hardworking girlfriends and wives that ever lived, all in an attempt to quiet our negative voices and make him love us again.
We cater to our men-- giving them things and slaving to do what we can to make THEIR lives better. We labor in the name of love, trying so hard to look like women that men would be crazy to lose!
*Pretend that nothing is wrong and force a smile when around him, only to cry when we are alone and safe to feel our true pain in private.
*Start trying to manage and control our feelings by managing and controlling the relationship. In between breaking our backs to please him, we coolly and calmly express our dissatisfaction with his behavior and take every unassuming moment we can to tell him how ineffectual he is as a boyfriend or husband.
The problem is that these two alternatives to expressing our true feelings are off-putting to men.
A man doesn’t want you to “grin and bear it”. He doesn’t want you to lie to him and act like everything is fine.
See, it’s impossible to fully hide your feelings from him. Your discontent will rear it’s ugly face somehow. Your body needs to dispose of these feelings. They aren’t healthy to hold onto. You may start acting passive aggressive or manipulative with your actions just to release them. You may even start to get sick. This happened to me. I started getting sick all the time at the end of my marriage.
I also started taking out my frustration on other loved ones and coworkers. I would even yell at my dog.
Your man also doesn’t want you to act like a calm and collected “cold fish” while constantly telling him how he's messing up in the relationship. This will make him feel worthless and unimportant to you.
He wants you to share your feelings with him. He wants you to stop pretending and start SHOWING HIM HOW MUCH power he has over your heart.
He wants you to TRUST him enough to give him the opportunity to make things better between the both of you.
He wants you to talk to him about YOUR feelings, not about HIS shortcomings.
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So how do you do this?
First, you must give yourself permission to feel EVERYTHING you feel and embrace the fact that you and your feelings are not perfect.