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How To Handle The Early Stages Of Dating A Man

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How To Handle The Early Stages Of Dating A Man
Stop listening to all that advice telling you to play it cool...

Are you in the early stages of dating a man and wondering if he is as serious about you and you are about him?  Are you trying really hard not to ruffle his “commitment feathers” by asking him how he feels about you?  Are you, instead, trying your best to show him what a great catch you are by being the sweet, fun-time, easy-breezy gal on the outside (even if you are crumbling with worry and insecurity on this inside)?

Putting the man in front of your feelings and needs may seem like the right thing to do at the beginning of a relationship (hey, don’t we all have irrational fears that aren’t attractive?), but it will actually push him away.

More from YourTango: How To Spot & Release Emotionally Unavailable Men

Just because you don’t want to feel insecure, needy, uncomfortable and scared, doesn’t mean that you aren’t feeling that way.  And chances are—if you feel these feelings in your budding relationship, he can sense them. 

Trying to play the “cool card” when you are anything but, isn’t going to bring him closer.  He’s going to smell a disharmonious vibe wafting off you:  you say you’re fine but your energy screams, “Do you love me or not, and why don’t you show it more?!” 

Instead of the cool card, here are a few ways to help bring him closer while still prioritizing your feelings:

Tell Him Exactly How You Feel Inside

You don’t have to ask about his feelings because that might feel invasive to him, but you can and should tell him about yours.  If you are worried about his level of commitment to your relationship or just don’t like the fact that he’s late to pick you up for a date, etc., the best thing you can do is be 100% upfront:

  • “I feel so uncertain in this relationship.  I don’t want to be in a relationship that feels this undefined.  It scares me, because I don’t want to fall in love with you and end up sad.  Do you understand my concerns?”
  • “I feel disrespected.  I don’t like to be left waiting for a man.  It doesn’t feel good to me.”
  • Etc.

If he’s a good guy, he will jump to ease your feelings.  He may not offer you a commitment, but he may apologize for making you feel uncertain, or he may just listen in a way that feels nice. 

More from YourTango: Angling For A Proposal? Here's How To Reel Him In

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Ms. Kristina Marchant

Author

Is the man you love emotionally distant?  Maybe he runs hot then cold, or maybe he has slowly been distancing himself over time?  If so, you are have something in common with the women who read and follow my blog, ConnectWithHisHeart.com  Come take a look and sign up there for my free mini-course: "Why Men Fall In & Out Of Love...  And What You Can Do"

 

 

Location: Miami, FL
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Ms. Kristina Marchant:

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You love him and you know he's the one; he says he loves you but admits he's not sure if you're his forever woman. Ouch. This not only hurts like hell — it's maddening. In your heart, you know that he loves you and would be miserable without you in his life, but your head tells you that you're acting like a fool, waiting around ... Read more

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