Are you in the early stages of dating a man and wondering if he is as serious about you and you are about him? Are you trying really hard not to ruffle his “commitment feathers” by asking him how he feels about you? Are you, instead, trying your best to show him what a great catch you are by being the sweet, fun-time, easy-breezy gal on the outside (even if you are crumbling with worry and insecurity on this inside)?
Putting the man in front of your feelings and needs may seem like the right thing to do at the beginning of a relationship (hey, don’t we all have irrational fears that aren’t attractive?), but it will actually push him away.
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Just because you don’t want to feel insecure, needy, uncomfortable and scared, doesn’t mean that you aren’t feeling that way. And chances are—if you feel these feelings in your budding relationship, he can sense them.
Trying to play the “cool card” when you are anything but, isn’t going to bring him closer. He’s going to smell a disharmonious vibe wafting off you: you say you’re fine but your energy screams, “Do you love me or not, and why don’t you show it more?!”
Instead of the cool card, here are a few ways to help bring him closer while still prioritizing your feelings:
Tell Him Exactly How You Feel Inside
You don’t have to ask about his feelings because that might feel invasive to him, but you can and should tell him about yours. If you are worried about his level of commitment to your relationship or just don’t like the fact that he’s late to pick you up for a date, etc., the best thing you can do is be 100% upfront:
- “I feel so uncertain in this relationship. I don’t want to be in a relationship that feels this undefined. It scares me, because I don’t want to fall in love with you and end up sad. Do you understand my concerns?”
- “I feel disrespected. I don’t like to be left waiting for a man. It doesn’t feel good to me.”
If he’s a good guy, he will jump to ease your feelings. He may not offer you a commitment, but he may apologize for making you feel uncertain, or he may just listen in a way that feels nice.
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