Are you stuck in pattern of feeling bad about yourself and your relationship? Do you feel needy, depressed and angry more than you feel loved by your man and happy with your life? To you want to be confident with men you date but can't step out of your nerves and self-doubts?
If you feel like you can’t shake those dark, bluesy feelings, I know exactly how you feel. My entire 20s was this constant inner struggle, where I worried all the time about not getting all the things I wanted like an amazing relationship.
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I spent years feeling hopeless and defeated, thinking that no matter what I tried to do to be “amazing,” I was just never going to be amazing enough and I was never going to be loved enough because of it.
I beat myself up inside and the self-loathing was ridiculous!
I slowly, slowly started to realize that my self-beliefs were far from true and that I had to stop being so hard on myself if I wanted to be happier and feel good about a good relationship. But realizing these things was only the first step in shifting my perspective.
It was my relationships with men that allowed me to better see myself and make this shift happen. I realized that I could use my connection to my boyfriend to heal those dark feelings.
Do You Keep Yourself Down?
Most of us want to be something other than what we are. We lie and say that we wouldn’t swap lives with anyone and really do love ourselves, yet we believe that we don’t have the things we want because we aren’t amazing enough in this or that way to have those things.
How often do you think:
“I’m not pretty enough for the guy I want.”
“I’m not smart enough for the job I want.”
“I’m not ambitious enough to make lots of money.”
And the list goes on, am I right?
We even settle for things we don’t want (friends with benefits situation, Mr. Unavailble) thinking that we aren’t amazing enough to fight for what we do want (a real, happy relationship.)
Not to mention, some of us feel really guilty about feeling good! We met a great guy or smooth out the wrinkles in our relationships and suddenly, Bam, we are feeling strange inside-- anxious and wondering whether it's even okay that we feel good.
What If You Could Be Amazing?
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The biggest part of the problem is that we look outside of ourselves to feel amazing. We think that having a certain guy will make us feel amazing, or a certain body. And for the most part, we can't be blamed.
New love and weight loss do feel amazing, along with a whole bunch of other things. However, the problem is that we let ourselves feel not amazing—I’m talking horrible, awful, worthless-- when we don’t get these things.