Don't Be His Doormat, But Don't Be A Casting Director

Love, Self

Love shouldn't make you feel like you are at the mercy (and under the feet) of an ungrateful man.

I always want women to feel empowered enough to never be a man's doormat. There is nothing that feels worse than compromising your self-esteem in the name of 'love'.

Love should make you feel great. It should make you feel like the best you there is. Love lifts us, it doesn't put us under the shoes of an ungrateful man. When you feel like a doormat, you are not experiencing love, you are seeking acceptance, and in love, there should already be acceptance.

In fact, having a beautiful and healthy relationship is all about acceptance-- accepting the other person completely for who they are inside their soul and accepting yourself enough to know your worth.

The key difference between being an accepting woman and being a doormat is a fine line; however, it's an important distinction. When you accept someone as they are, it doesn't mean you accept poor treatment from them. It doesn't mean you let them walk all over your feelings and needs. It doesn't mean you allow them to make you feel bad about yourself. When accepting another person you DO NOT judge them but you DO stick up for yourself; you tend to them as much as you tend to your own needs!

If a man is wounded from childhood or has a few unfavorable (even unattractive) traits, accepting his past and those unpleasant qualities is important. Love is not an audition where you are trying out a person for a while, keeping them feeling insecure about your feelings for them while you decide if they are good enough for you.

Love is a decision, and you have to make the decision if you are going to date to embrace men in their ENTIRETY and make each and every one feel as secure in their skin as you can. You aren't going to roll your eyes at their weaknesses or point fingers at their flaws. You are going to be the true definition of a real woman and find the best ways to empower others. Feminine Allure is about making men feel like the best versions of themselves in your presence.  (Chivalry is about doing the same for a woman.)


If a man is making you feel less than the best version of YOU, you should gracefully and nonjudgmentally tell him exactly how you feel inside, and give him the opportunity to correct his shortcomings. Most people, after all, are more clueless than ill-willed, and they WANT to do good by you, some are just limited in their capacity to handle and have quality, mature relationships. Voicing your feelings and working together to find solutions is the way to go. If he isn't willing to hear your feelings or help work with you to find solutions to your needs, you need to move away from that relationship.

You can still accept him for who he is and send him lovingly out into the universe to find his own path toward happiness and love, but you cannot stay his doormat. You can't stay involved in a relationship with someone who doesn't show interest in your feelings and needs. That person is not interested in your 'light', in accepting your soul into their life; they are only interested in finding a "fixer" to their existential pain.

So think about the way your problematic man makes you feel, express those feelings to him, and take inventory of his 'level of willingness' to take care of you. If his level of willingness is low, don't fool yourself into thinking that he just needs to be loved more purely and deeply by you in order to want a real relationship with you.

You deserve a man's willingness to love you, at the very least! And he deserves not to be auditioned for the sake of your ego, but instead should be handed a part in your play from the moment you decide to show him the script.

If you want to know how to buff and polish your feminine allure and make your man feel like the best version of himself... WITHOUT sacrificing AN OUNCE of who you are as a gorgeous, caring, sexy woman worth loving, then sign up for my free Love Advice Newsletter and change your love life forever!

Until then, I'd rather you step off his porch and outta his life than ever be a man's doormat!

Also By Kristina:  Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You


Explore YourTango