Are You In An Imaginary Relationship? Don't Get Used

By

Are You In An Imaginary Relationship? Don't Get Used
If he's been telling you things aren’t serious, it’s time you seriously weighed your options.

I’ve been in two imaginary relationships.  Both times I was head-over-heels in love, and both times I ended up dumped for another woman.

See, in both relationships, things started out casual.  There were no strings attached and we were just having fun.  At first, I was happy about the arrangement, because I didn’t feel smothered or pressured into making big decisions about commitment or accountability.

Then, after some time, with both men, I started falling in love.  In hindsight, I know that I was very aware, from the jump, that I was falling strong for these men, but I never allowed myself to worry about the outcome until it was too late.

While in these sexual arrangements (friends with benefits or whatever you want to call them), I was delusional.  Or at least I chose to be.  I was determined to believe that these men were serious about me and were envisioning a future with me.  I chalked up their “We are just hanging out” claims as ways not to feel too smothered.  After all, I knew what it was like to feel smothered, so I just assumed they liked me the way I liked them and we were both just going about commitment in a back-door fashion.

Well, they didn’t feel committed… because in their minds, they weren’t.  It didn’t matter that I met their families, their friends and their pets.  It didn’t make any difference that they spent loads of money on me and shared intimate details of their childhoods with me over cozy, snuggly pillowtalk.

Both men even told me that they loved me.

Both men ALSO told me that they weren’t in love with me.  And boy, should I have listened.  I ended up dumped and with nothing to show for it.  I cried both times and both guys looked at me, hugged me and said, “You knew what we were.”

All my friends told me that they had told me so and I even got a lecture from my own mother about commitment-phobes.  I was a wreck. I had been a pit-stop, a stepping stone, a ‘for now’ girl, and all the time I had forced myself to believe that I was a wife-in-making.

I was so angry, too.  I was so mad that I had given so much of myself and had been basically told, “Sorry, your best efforts aren’t enough to get you loved.”  I felt used and worthless.

You Can’t ‘Love’ Him Out Of An Imaginary Relationship

When you are in an imaginary relationship, you can’t really say you are being used.  The truth is that usually guys let us know up front (and throughout the relationship) that there's no possibility for long-term love.  We just choose not to believe.  We have selective hearing.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Ms. Kristina Marchant

Author

Is the man you love emotionally distant?  Maybe he runs hot then cold, or maybe he has slowly been distancing himself over time?  If so, you are have something in common with the women who read and follow my blog, ConnectWithHisHeart.com  Come take a look and sign up there for my free mini-course: "Why Men Fall In & Out Of Love...  And What You Can Do"

 

 

Location: Miami, FL
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Ms. Kristina Marchant:

He Relishes Your Attention But Could He Ever Love You?

By

He returns your text messages. He calls you back. He takes you up on invitations to spend time together. He eats your cooking and humbly accepts your gifts. Maybe he even admits that he deeply cares for you. But, he gets an 'F' for effort. If you don't reach out, he's M.I.A. He won't initiate contact. He doesn't buy you gifts or ... Read more

How To Spot & Release Emotionally Unavailable Men

By

A relationship when both partners are "all-in" is tough enough. But when your man is emotionally unavailable, things are so much harder. You're committed to making things work, but he just won't open up. A tell-tale sign of an emotionally unavailable man is a lack of empathy; check for these signs before you get too committed. Although my ... Read more

Angling For A Proposal? Here's How To Reel Him In

By

You love him and you know he's the one; he says he loves you but admits he's not sure if you're his forever woman. Ouch. This not only hurts like hell — it's maddening. In your heart, you know that he loves you and would be miserable without you in his life, but your head tells you that you're acting like a fool, waiting around ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB