What is it about Christmas lights on a snow-laden cottage, holiday cheer on neighbors’ rosy-cheeked faces and gluttonous parties bombarded by doofuses in reindeer sweaters that make a person tingle with horny holiday spirit? During the next weeks that fall between Thanksgiving and News Year’s Day is the perfect time to get him randy on brandy & egg nog and seduce that man of yours so good, you’ll have him under your bush more times this Christmas Eve than Santa under the tree.
Here are a few ways to sexually corrupt your man this holiday season and make him your humble servant all year long:
Make Him Want You: Wear Red Lipstick, A Long (Faux) Fur Coat… And That’s It!
There is nothing sexier than a fur coat on a beautiful woman. (If you’re an animal activist like me, don't be timid about a faux fur coat; there are some pretty good ones out on the market these days). Smear some fabulous red lipstick on your plumb pucker (MAC's Viva Glam I is great!). Give your hair a bedhead look, and throw on a fur coat and a pair of thigh-high boots.
Forget the rest of the clothes.
Then get in the car and go over to his place (please drive safely because that’s just too generous of a Christmas present to give a stranger-cop.) Bring a can of lighter fluid, and when he opens the door, hold it up and say, matter-of-factly, “I’m looking to make a cozy fire this cold, holiday evenin’... [drop your voice here] Got any wood?”
As he stands there with one brow cocked, let your coat fall open… just enough to give him a slit-peak at Santa's landing strip.
When you get inside, slip out of the coat, toss it on the floor in front of his fireplace and get down on it, on all fours. Look up at him, while in your best doggie-stylin’ position, and ask him if he’s ever made love in front of the fireplace atop a “bare-skinned” woman. Let out your best li’l, sexy bear growl—“ Grrrr!” Don’t forget to snarl a bit and you lift your ass in the air like a confrontational wild woman.
Give Him His Holiday Stocking Stuffed With Stuffers!
By stuffers, I mean things that can be stuffed inside you, sexy lady. Slip on your best pair of incognito sunglasses and get your perky ass over to the local sex shop for some dildos galore. It ain’t just toys for tots this holiday season-- dirty, nasty man-boys like their dollies, too... even if they are life-size and blown-up.
While in the shop, let go of your stale-cracker prude side and spend some dough on “rubber merriment”. Hey, maybe those marketers are smart and creative and have a Christmas dildo on the market. Ooh, better yet—a vibrating Menorah that lights up for after 8 long orgasms! Fun!
Don’t forget the lubes and lollipops. Pack in a can of whipped cream and holiday sprinkles. Or sneak in a pair of crotchless panties with a li’l note attached asking him to slide down inside your chimney for some “Ho. Ho. Ho.”
Make A List For Sexy Santa
As li’l covetous Christian kids everywhere write out their lists to Santa, I want you writing your “greedy li’l girl” list, too.
Tell your man how nice you’ve been all year and that, frankly, you’re f**king sick of it. Hand over your requests, which should include exactly how (and where) you want to be rewarded with some seasonal naughtiness.
Let him know detail by detail what he can do to you under the Christmas tree with the holiday bird baster. And don’t be shy about making him dangle some mistletoe from his “crown molding”.
If you like these playful ideas for holiday housewife whorettes, check out my list, 101 Ways To Seduce Your Man. These ideas are appropriate all year long and will make him want you be it April or September. The list comes with another list that some women think is even better—101 Dirty Texts To Send Him! These sexts will leave his Yule log burning with passion for months to come.
Also By Kristina: Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You