After a whirlwind 19 day first date, I thought I'd met Mr Right.
I Grant* on a dating site. Immediately attracted to his brilliantly written profile and fierce photo, I wrote to him. It was electric instantly. We met the following day and there started a 3 month intense affair.
He spoiled me, ridiculously from day one. Over the top gifts, household items for "our house" and crazy declarations of me being his future wife. Talk of taking me to his hometown in Cape Town. Phone intro to the parents. Apparently we'd be married by June so I needed to "hurry" my divorce!
My kids adored him, and he seemed to be extremely genuine in his feelings for us. It was OTT! Of course, I fell for the lot. I was convinced he was my dream guy and refused to listen to my friends and family who all took an instant serious disliking to him..
I had been through a tough year with some issues in my business, and Grant was a very welcomed breath of fresh air. Like a ridiculous stroke of bad luck, I broke my ankle and lost a work contract throughout the time we dated, and he was rock solid as my support (or so I thought). I thought I had met the man of my dreams.
Then all of a sudden, the rug was pulled out from under my feet as quickly as he reeled me in. Out of nowhere he just stopped staying over, the sex stopped and he went dead cold. Out of absolutely nowhere. Any attempts to find out what was going on ended in an arguement, and eventually there was a huge argument that ended up with me asking him to leave the house on one particular evening.
The night before his best friend's birthday we attempted what was to be one of several reconcilliations. It was never the same. Any attempts to talk and resolve what I thought was a sincere relationship fell onto deaf ears. He had just totally switched off, in an instant. The text's stopped, the calls stopped, he collected all his things and acted like my kids and I never existed.
He was cold. Spoke to me and my kids the same way he speaks to his sister and mother, cold and heartless.
I later found out, at his friends 40th, there was a new woman, "Kim" on Facebook everyone friended that night. Then, strangely on the same night, he then got all his friends to "unfriend" me on facebook, (later including his lovely sister who I had taken a real shine to). I was told he stood over them and made them do it in front of him in most cases.
I did see Grant, a few times after this, and there was still talk of a possible reconcillation. I wonder, now that I know he is seeing this Kim, she knows how long this went on?!
Grant went on to tell everyone about how I keep losing my job, have bipolar and a range of other things. I've spent the past 10 years building a successful career for myself, leaps and bounds excelling anything this man has accomplished. I'd just had a tough few months! And now the tables have turned, he's apparently now broke, and asking for all my gifts back, including all the things he bought for our new married home in June. Ha!
In the past few weeks, as I'm been trying to come to the realisation it was all bullshit, I'm hearing that Grant has a repeat pattern of doing this. Meeting women, being full on very fast, and then breaking it off in a horrible fashion. He's completely not who I thought he was.
I guess the moral of the story is this. I am writing from a fantastic holiday with my kids. We are definitely of the realisation we are better off with this loser out of our lives. But I want to ensure it doesn't make me be any less trusting of the decent guys out there. I have some lovely men in my life now, and hope that meeting this idiot doesn't make me wary or prevent me from giving the right guy a chance.
This is a man who's 40, never been married, never had kids and probably won't. I'm pretty sure he's never even had a serious relationship. He just has a pattern of using women.
There are definitely bad guys out there who enjoy hurting people, and don't care about the consequences of their actions, just be wary and listen to your friends and family. If they get a strong feeling about someone, you should just keep an open mind that they may in fact be right! And if it's too fast and too good to be true, sometimes, it is.
Turns out he was and is seeing this new woman. I tried to make contact and warn her, but it seems to have fallen on deaf ears, for now. I'm sure I'll be hearing from her in about 3 months!..
Meanwhile. My career is thriving again, I have amazing kids, a fantastic group of friends who love me to death, lovely interested men and looking at this fabulous view from the hotel right now. Enjoy working at your shop today Grant!
Changed his name to *Grant.