The Surprising Cause Of ED: She's Hot, He's Not


The Surprising Cause Of ED: She's Hot, He's Not
How Having a Hot Girlfriend Can Contribute to Sexual Arousal Problems in Men.

Although this may sound totally counter-intutitive having a hot, sexy or too perfect girlfriend or woman is one of the leading causes of male arousal disorders or what is more commonly known as erectille dysfunction.

Men's failure to perform, when it's purely psychological has a lot to do with wanting to impress, please and perform perfectly for the woman who they see as perfect. She may be the picture of perfection, i.e. model-beautiful or she may be the one you want to be with forever. Either way you've pumped this woman up so much that you not only put unrealistic expectations on her, you are putting unrealistic expectations on yourself and on the relationship. Sex, for the purpose of being a perfect performer is not an arousing act, and becomes tedious, scary, a task and often leaves us feeling inadequate.


Male arousal problems are also detrimental to a relationship as many women have not been educated on the natural ebbing and flowing of sexuality for one, and two cannot even fathom that their supposed 'perfection' could lead to erectile dysfunction. This often leaves women feeling rejected, neglected, dejected and humiliated. If women only knew. And if men only knew too. This is not just a natural and normal part of falling in love but is also largely a part of our mind's game play. 

While men's arousal issues arise commonly from being anxious, wanting to please and women's arousal issues are commonly situated around body image issues it's easy to see how our relationships with ourselves and with each other can easily lend to a slippery slope of arousal problems. It can quickly become a catch 22.

Let's talk about Erectile Dysfunction (ED) a little bit.  Also commonly known as “performance anxiety”, ED is a common sexual issue that plagues many men of all ages. Let me also say that although the medical world has termed it Erectile Dysfunction, it is only a dysfunction if there is a medical or biological illness attached to it. When it is a psychological or mental issue, it should no longer be considered a dysfunction, in my opinion, but rather an erectile digression, because and please men remember this: the erection will come back.

There are many causes of true medical ED. Let’s start with the biological causes such as illness, certain medications, drugs and/or alcohol, and a change or flux in hormonal balance that is common with age, illness, etc. If these are not present, the psychological maladies which may lead to ED are stress, fear, worry, sadness, relationship unrest, and more specifically in our current climate divorce, job loss, money concerns, and more.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

Mou is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Mou is the band leader, composer and voice of the rock band Ghosha.

Visit her website at

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Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 


Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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