The Monogamy Myth: Nothing Lasts Forever

By

heart candles
Would we be better off admitting we're just horny and afraid to be alone?

Recently, I heard this line in a movie, "You're just horny and afraid of being abandoned," in reference to a girl who was pining away for a boy who did not appear to love her back. The statement struck me, to say the least.

Obviously true for many people, myself included, I began to wonder if our fear of being abandoned is somehow contributing to this whole myth of monogamy or is it the myth of monogamy that is causing us to feel abandoned? How To Break Up With A Friend

 

I definitely believe that the concept of monogamy pereptuates a lot of myths. Along with monogamy come many false notions, such as "happily ever after," or the idea that there is one magical person out there for everyone. I think there can be magical connections between people, but I am always biting my tongue when I hear people say, "I think she's the one." The one what?

But the one has come to stand for so much more. It has come to suggest that we will fall in love with the one and never look at another person. The one will fulfill all of our needs. We identify with the one and then we feel anger, confusion, and discontent when the one doesn't walk, talk, look, speak, or act the way we do or how we would expect to in certain situations. Are You a Good Listener?

We feel as though we should know everything about the one and we feel blind-sided and abandoned when we realize that the one is an individual, separate from us, with his/her own motives, and reasons for doing and being. So with all that, we've been taught that the one is the only one we should fantasize about, or think about when having sex, and that in true love we never think about other people, we never look at someone else.

I suppose some would argue that this is true for them, and I can't argue with that, but for the majority of people, this is like trying to fit a circle into a square. Sometimes it isn't a perfect fit.

The majority of people are afraid to admit they have fantasies about people other than their partners. They avoid being open and upfront about it because it completely goes against society's skewed view of monogamy. It contradicts what they were taught about marriage and sex and falling in love, and if they talked about it openly, they would risk being judged and criticized. Additionally, their partners might feel hurt or abandoned.

Fear of abandonment is something we all deal with from the time we are little. When we are children and other kids bully us, we feel emotionally abandoned. When a close friend moves away, we feel sadness and begin to understand that nothing lasts forever. Some children have to experience the loss of a parent or loved one either through divorce, death or some other circumstance, which can only be described as traumatic.

We are forced to learn at a very young age of the impermanence of things and then we are spoon fed the concept of monogamy and bam! It's like there is this answer to our fear of abandonment: marriage. Marriage becomes the answer to all our woes. Stop Sabotaging Your Love Life!

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

Mou is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Mou is the band leader, composer and voice of the rock band Ghosha.

Visit her website at www.LASexTherapist.com

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at www.TheSexTalkSeries.com

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by Moushumi Ghose:

CHASING THE BAD BOY

By

We’ve all heard the reasons why you are chasing the bad boys, ”you want to save them,” or “you think you can fix them.” Your therapist tells you that you’re trying to resolve something from your childhood like an absent or negligent parent, which your friends translate to, “oh, you have daddy (or mommy) issues.” ... Read more

5 Steps To Take If You're In A Seriously Unhealthy Relationship

By

Things inevitably go sour in relationships, sometimes during an argument, and sometimes just for a day, a week, and sometimes for longer. Try as you might to implement tips and tricks from the "better your relationship" trade from self help books, talk shows, seeing a couples therapist, and recommendations from friends and family, things may not seem ... Read more

5 Ways Introverts AND Extroverts Can Break Out Of Comfort Zones

By

"You gotta get up, get dressed and show up for life." I love good reminders, so my friend saying that to me was truly powerful. The last time I quoted her in an article it was about getting up in the morning, getting out of bed, and getting an early start on your day. I still believe that to be true. "The early bird gets the worm," as my ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular