This Valentines Day Have A Sex Heart-to-Heart


This Valentines Day Have A Sex Heart-to-Heart
How Much Are You Really Communicating In Your Realtionship?

Valentines Day - a day designed for couples- is a tricky day, not just for singles, who have to deal with the obnoxious over exposure by friends, family and the media around couplehood, but even for couples this can be a heavy day filled with expectation and strife, because Valentines Day (like most holidays) breeds a cultural standard that cause many people to feel inadequate not just about their relationship status but also about their relationships. I personally say bah-humbug to Valentines Day, as I don't believe we should be living our romantic lives based on societies approval structure, but I also encourage couples to use this day in a more -outside-the-box approach. I approach most holidays this way, meaning let's take the good -which typically focuses on strengthing our relationships with family, friends, coworkers or otherwise- and let's drop the bad, which usually is about standards and socieatl expectations.

One of the most common things to happen in long-term relationships, is suffering from the case of “I’m just not attracted to my husband/wife/spouse/partner anymore?” which can make Valentines Day seem like an obligationat best, and a joke at it's worst. 

Over time, after a few kids, after a few terrible arguments, after long nights alone wondering how to make this relationship work, wondering what you are doing wrong, or maybe you’ve had a separation or two, perhaps you’ve suffered tragedy together, whatever the case may be, the point being that when you are in a long term relationship together, over time, you will go through a whole lot of changes with your partner, and sometimes the time, and life just seems to erode away at any lust, attraction, romance, passion that you two once used to have. Perhaps you and your partner have tried to address this. Maybe you’ve tried spicing up your relationship by having date night, or maybe you have taken a vacation together to have some alone time, perhaps you’ve even started to see a couples counselor but for some reason it’s just not working the way you think it should. Perhaps you’ve tried things together to help rebuild that bond, and all of a sudden it hits you: You can try all these techniques to try and reconnect with your partner, try to bond to bring back the old feelings, but it’s not working and you’ve come to the conclusion that, “I’m just no longer attracted to him/her.” But, guess what? You don’t want to tell him/her that because that might really rock the boat, shake things up to a place you don’t want it to go. This relationship is important to you, but you are just not feeling it anymore.  As a society, one of our defaults is to start thinking about people, others, outside of our relationship, when we just don’t have that spark anymore. This is a time, when cheating and infidelity become a problem.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

Mou is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Mou is the band leader, composer and voice of the rock band Ghosha.

Visit her website at

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Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 


Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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