Have A Sex Heart-to-Heart


Have A Sex Heart-to-Heart
How Much Are You Really Communicating In Your Realtionship?

Are you suffering from the case of “I’m just not attracted to my husband/wife/spouse/partner anymore?” Well, I am here to tell you that this is one of the most common things to happen in long-term relationships. Over time, after a few kids, after a few terrible arguments, after long nights alone wondering how to make this relationship work, wondering what you are doing wrong, or maybe you’ve had a separation or two, perhaps you’ve suffered tragedy together, whatever the case may be, the point being that when you are in a long term relationship together, over time, you will go through a whole lot of changes with your partner, and sometimes the time, and life just seems to erode away at any lust, attraction, romance, passion that you two once used to have.And, perhaps you and your partner have tried to address this. Maybe you’ve tried spicing up your relationship by having date night, or maybe you have taken a vacation together to have some alone time, perhaps you’ve even started to see a couples counselor but for some reason it’s just not working the way you think it should. Perhaps you’ve tried things together to help rebuild that bond, and all of a sudden it hits you: You can try all these techniques to try and reconnect with your partner, try to bond to bring back the old feelings, but it’s not working and you’ve come to the conclusion that, “I’m just no longer attracted to him/her.” But, guess what? You don’t want to tell him/her that because that might really rock the boat, shake things up to a place you don’t want it to go. This relationship is important to you, but you are just not feeling it anymore.  As a society, one of our defaults is to start thinking about people, others, outside of our relationship, when we just don’t have that spark anymore. This is a time, when cheating and infidelity become a problem.

Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret, or maybe it’s just a reminder. We grow and we change, and this means that our relationships must grow and change too. What this means is that the relationship you once had together, remember in the early days of passion, lust, late night phone calls, romance and excitement have now been replaced with security and comfort. It is time to let go of the old relationship. It is time to let go of the idea that it can be the way it once was.  Those are fallacies, myths that we choose to hang onto.  Yes, do keep the memories of how it used to be alive, and if you need to mourn the old days, but do definitely find a way to say goodbye to what once was. So step one is to say goodbye to what once was.  Step two is to embrace what is positive in your relationship. This is easy. You’ve got the kids, the house, the trust, the extended family, the comfort, the camaraderie, what have you. You know what is great about your relationship so embrace it. 

More from YourTango: The Benefits Of Surrogate Partner Therapy

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Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality.

Visit her website at

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Get Mou's eBook at Marriage, Money and Porn: A Quick and Easy Guide to Navigating Your 21st Century Relationship

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: West Hollywood, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by Moushumi Ghose:

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The 4 Scary Steps To Finding True Love


So you say you want a relationship but you're still single despite all the potential people you meet, flirt with, have sex with, and even like. Even when you have a connection, something always goes wrong. What gives? Now, I'm not a fan of blaming the victim and I can see where these articles may come off as blaming the victim, but I have to point out ... Read more

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