As a society, we expect to fall madly in love. We want to hear trumpets and whistles, we want to feel butterflies in our stomach and hear birds singing in our souls. This is how we will know if someone is "the one." This is how we will know if we have met Mr. or Ms. Right. Hollywood movies perpetuate this experience of true love and romance.
And even from a younger age, fairy tales too, help us to create and hold on to this story. And truth be told, for those of us who have experienced it, falling in love can be an amazing, exciting and truly exhilarating experience. A high that we would love to hold onto for as long as is possible, but the reality as most of us know by now is much different. We now know that happily ever after is an ideal that is often difficult to achieve and maintain and in many cases a downright myth. Falling in love may happen initially, but we are often left with the aftermath of disillusion, disagreements, incompatibilities, lack of understanding, unwillingness or lack of growth or change and/or downright sadness, confusion, depression, loneliness and more.
I always preach that we have to make more conscious choices when it comes to relationships and marriage. We have to address things like monogamy and other long-term and short-term goals ongoing. We have to have discussions, as difficult as they may be about our needs and recognize that we change and grow even after we’ve gotten married and committed ourselves to one person for the rest of our lives. I am always talking about how to make relationships work, through communication, how to come back from broken agreements and breach of trust, how important it is to know our wants and our needs and to be able to communicate it, how to maintain attractiveness to our partners.
I cannot stress the importance of independence and autonomy in relationships as being one of the keys to intimacy. It’s always shocking to me, how disconnected yet dependent couples become on each other. So, I have decided the one thing that we need more of, especially now that DOMA has been squashed by the Supreme Court and Prop 8 deemed unconstitutional in California, as more and more people will be getting married and considering longer term unions, one thing we need more of is preventative care.
What can we do in the beginning, before or during that illustrious, sometimes crazy, cocaine-high-phase-of-love we call lust, romance, or just plain old falling in love, that will help ensure connectedness in our relationships for the long haul, while still maintaining our independence and autonomy? How can we better ensure the success of our long term relationships down the road? Keep Reading...
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