Temptations CAN be resisted.
“Faithfulness is not doing something right once but doing something right over and over and over and over.” ― Joyce Meyer
We often hear women bemoan the possibility that men weren't made to stay faithful. Given that only 3-5 percent of mammals mate for life, it would actually be more surprising to think that humans of any gender were ever meant to be monogamous.
Many marriage therapists and social psychologists now suggest we weren't created to be either monogamous or polyamorous, but to mate along a spectrum of fidelity.
For many varied social, political and economic reasons, however, monogamy became our cultural norm, and the expectation of monogamy continues to impact our decisions and actions in today's relationships.
Because of this, harmless flirting and innocent lunches with friends of the opposite gender are viewed with suspicion as potential threats to marriage, leaving many women to ask themselves, their friends, and their therapists the question, "Do all men cheat?"
What we do know is that for a marriage to endure and provide both spouses with long-term happiness, it MUST include trust, commitment, and faithfulness on the part of both husband and wife.
Here are the 7 tips to prevent your husband (or wife) from being unfaithful, based on these essential components of the most successful marriages.
1. Maintain open and clear communication.
Before you marry someone, you need to clearly communicate what the consequences of being unfaithful would be. This will make each of you think twice before falling for the temptation to cheat. Any good relationship is based on honest, open, and clear communication, so this conversation can only benefit your union.
Once you are married, if your partner feels something is wrong and should be addressed, welcome the discussion. Secrets are the enemy of trust. If the gates of communication remain open at all times, you will be able to talk about your problems and reach respectful, mutually-agreed upon conclusions. Shutting out such interactions will only divert your partner towards a path that may involve being with someone else behind your back.
2. Stay flirty and passionate.
Husbands often cheat when the passion and fire in their marriage has burnt out and they find themselves feeling neglected.
Playful flirting adds fun to any relationship. Try leaving little notes here and there and planning surprises to spice up your boring routine. When you complement him while making him blush with your seductive gaze and flirty conversation, you make him feel wanted and keep the relationship exciting.
When a man is content with the attention he is getting from the woman he loves, he is less likely to feel a need for appreciation and admiration from another woman, just as the same holds true for you of him.
3. Be creative and spontaneous.
Most people like variety in their sex life, and when that is left unfulfilled, it can lead to disappointment and less frequent sex. Men, in particular, are better able to express love through the physical than through words and other displays of emotion. When their partner initiates sex, they feel desired — and loved.
A long-term marriage, especially one with children, can become so habitual that even lovemaking seems mundane and unexciting. By adding innovation and spontaneity to the marriage, you add some thrill to it. Try traveling together, planning some adventurous outings, and initiating sex somewhere outside of the bedroom.
4. Explore your sexual fantasies and desires together.
It's important to be comfortable letting your spouse know even your "darkest" sexual desires and to make sure he or she knows it his safe share the same with you without risk of being judged.
It's normal to feel some initial resistance trying new things in bed, but if you aren't willing to consider your partner's deepest fantasies, someone else will be. Be open to learning more about what these sexy ideas entail so that neither of you is left needing to seek approval elsewhere.
5. Be emotionally intimate.
Being alert to each other’s emotional states is exceedingly important. Instead of only showing them your feelings of anger, disappointment, and sadness, make sure they know when they make you feel happy and proud.
When a man feels he causes his woman nothing but displeasure and frustration, he himself begins to feel distressed. Men like being the hero who saves the day, and when they feel that they cannot be yours they look for someone else whose needs they can provide for.
6. Spend quality time together.
When you focus the majority of your attention on your children, your job, your social life, and/or your relatives, your partner may feel rejected and neglected. Justified or not, husbands and wives often feel that they come last on their spouse’s long list of priorities and use this as an excuse to indulge in extramarital affairs.
For a marriage to last, it is essential that you always put your spouse first, no matter what.
7. Have confidence in yourself.
When you possess confidence in yourself and in your sexuality, your are more comfortable trying new things with the person you love. Take time developing your own interests and passions.
Make an effort to look healthy and sexy — for yourself and your partner. This may seem like an unimportant matter, but it can make a huge difference.
It is important to remember that unfaithfulness is rarely about the sex.
More often than not, it is about the core strength of the primary relationship — your marriage.
When you fail to put an effort into your marriage, your spouse feels unimportant and grows resentful. Applying these tips to your married life will strengthen your bond with each other and make the notion of an affair practically unthinkable.
Moshe Ratson is an affair therapist in Midtown Manhattan in NYC. He assists couples overcome the traumatic experience of the affair, rebuild their trust and ultimately emerge stronger and happier. If you need guidance in dealing with infidelity in New York City, contact Moshe Ratson, who is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT) and infidelity expert.