"Magic? You've got to be kidding!"
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Susan enlightens me: "I tell my clients that relationships take work, so get over it, and fast-forward to what it takes. At the same time, I tell them to leave room for magic. In amongst the demands, expectations, and over-the-top details, allow some wiggle room for magic to happen."
While it's good to know what you want, Susan says, most people go overboard on the details, forgetting about chemistry. "Especially women. I wish I could build the perfect man for every woman client, but women are harder to please than men — and you can quote me on that." Most men see a woman as a whole. Women can be overly picky — every detail is a deal-breaker. "Women often look for reasons to dismiss a man."
I ask Susan if she agrees with me that starting a relationship with a lie about your age is wrong, as I say in my article: Top 5 Online Dating Profile Tips for Men Over 50. She smiles. "People look ten years younger than their parents, that's for sure. Beyond that, the field is level, because we all look better than our parents. Thinking that you look ten years younger than you do is delusional in most cases."
I'm surprised to learn from Susan that most people are ageist. Men and women who are not really serious about finding a partner often want to date someone ten or even twenty years younger. While not wanting to sound clichéd, Susan reminds me that age is just a number. A good match is about compatibility and finding those important areas of commonality. I ask Susan a few key questions about the search for love.
Monica: As a matchmaker, what is the hardest thing you have to deal with when people come looking for everlasting love?
Susan: I wish people would focus more on the big picture, and be more open to the possibility of falling in love. Many clients begin by being superficial and dismissive — they're in a fantasyland about relationships. The truth is they're afraid of falling in love.
Monica: What dating tips and relationship advice does an expert matchmaker like you have for people looking for love?
Susan: First and foremost, get back to basics about how to interact with others. Forget texting, forget email. People looking for love may want to change their attitude about falling in love. My big hope is that everyone looking for an intimate partner will look at each date and dating experience with fresh eyes. Then, be prepared to put in some time. Every person, every experience, is different, and both men and women get nervous. The first date is not always the best indication of what a person is like. Don't be too quick to dismiss. It takes time to get to know someone.
And finally, make the other person your priority. While I love to be the one my clients trust for the first round of dates, I make it clear that relationships take time and must take priority. Fortunately, [and here, Susan smiles] my fees make people pay attention to my suggestions. My clients trust me with intimate details, and I put my heart and soul and my experience into selecting just the right person for them. Following my suggestions helps them keep an open mind.
Monica: Who is your ideal client?
Susan: Successful and well put-together men and women, people who know who they are, and yet are open to trying something new. Men take direction well, and do well in being matched. Women do equally well when they are open and not overly emotional.
People see the value in outsourcing their first round of selection. No one has time for thirty coffee dates, so when a person is willing to give it a chance, hiring a matchmaking service makes sense and offers the best results for the time and money.
Monica: What has been the biggest surprise in your career as a matchmaker?
Susan: To hear and see how different everyone is, how unique we are, yet how much we have in common. Everyone has a story about love, and just when you think you've heard them all, another story wows you and makes your heart beat faster.
Monica: What is the one thing men and women cannot be successfully matched without? [Susan has no hesitation. She looks me in the eye and says again...]
"Magic! Leave room for magic, because whatever it is that makes a man and a woman click cannot be put on a list."
Are you ready to jump-start your love life? To get new and better results? Contact Susan Semeniw at Divine Intervention.
Monica Magnetti — Life/Business Coach, Brand Expert and proud YourTango Expert. Monica has designed free products for you to get more out of life. Download Monica’s free eBook, Spark Success in Your Business: 10 Elements of a Strong Business Foundation and Successful Internet Branding, and apply those 10 elements to your online dating profile. XOXO
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