This is a question every single girl says at some point during her dating journey. We think about it. We obsess about it. We play and replay every action and every work dissecting it beyond recognition. Why are we so concerned about what he thinks? As I watch friends navigate this process, it seems like they are so concerned about whether or not their love interest is interested in them that they forget to decide if they even like the guy. It is almost as if they want to be in a relationship so badly that they will overlook important red flags or downplay their wants and needs in a partner. They find themselves saying things like, “He’s not working now because he is taking time off to decide what he wants in a career” or “He’s not insecure and controlling, he just loves me so much he can’t stand to be apart.” No! He’s riding the unemployment train with no intention of finding a job. Run! He wants to control you and no amount of reassurance will ever make him feel secure in your relationships. Someone who loves and trusts you will give you the space you need to be an individual. If a man is worth your time, you don’t need to make excuses for him.
Whether you believe it or not, you deserve to have a man cherish you. You are of value. So, why do you spend so much time trying to make it work with men who aren’t what you want and need? The bottom line? Lack of self-esteem. If you don’t believe that you are worth having a relationship with a man who meets the basic criteria on your list, why would he? A friend of mine was recently telling me about a girl who dates a variety of men with whom she sleeps with immediately. Deep down, she really wants a relationship with a man to eventually marry and have children, but she continually puts herself in situations where that would be unlikely. If you don’t respect yourself, why should he? If you send messages about being open to a fling, why would he expect that what you are really trying to do is find a life partner? If you are having casual sex because you think it is fun, ok. Hopefully you practice safe sex, but if that works for you, ok. But, if you are sleeping with men because you hope they will give you more or keep their interest, the joke is on you. Men and women think and feel differently about sex. Men can, for the most part, compartmentalize while most women view sex as a deeper emotional connection. Talk about having different expectations! Let me be clear ladies, no man who meets you in a bar and takes you home with him after last call is looking for an emotional connection.