Photo: PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock
Is your marriage on the road to ruin?
By Michelle E Vasquez — Last updated on Oct 31, 2022
Do you have what it takes to create a successful marriage?
I've identified three major marriage deal breakers that might put a damper on your otherwise best efforts to stay married.
I propose that emotional immaturity, selfishness, and a desire for instant gratification are three of the most common reasons why marriages fail.
These behaviors, combined with the attitude of "if it does not work out, we will just go our separate ways," contribute to a high divorce rate.
3 marriage deal breakers that commonly lead to divorce
1. A lack of emotional maturity.
Emotional maturity is something some folks never accomplish, no matter how many years they live.
Some people live by the maxim, "I may grow old, but I refuse to grow up." This is humorous when printed on a T-shirt, but when people take this attitude into their marriages they set themselves and their relationship up for misery.
This doesn't mean you have to be serious all the time, it just means you cannot allow your emotions to rule you and affect how you behave toward your spouse.
2. Being self-centered.
Psst! Being self-centered is not the same as taking care of yourself. You must take care of yourself if you are fully present for your loved ones.
Being selfish is all about the "me first" attitude. "My needs are more important than yours" is the rally cry of the self-centered person.
These people tend to criticize and blame, rather than looking at his/her own behavior.
A self-centered person sees nothing wrong with manipulating their spouse to get their way. A self-centered person thinks nothing of putting their family in danger by drinking and driving.
3. A need for instant gratification.
"I want it in 30 seconds, and I want it hot, tasty and inexpensive."
Since the advent of fast food, we seem to have become an instant gratification society.
For some people, if everything is not perfect and to their liking, they tend to resort to complaints about their marriage.
They think of their marriage as fast food, not of fine dining. It becomes a disposable commodity instead of something to treasure and enjoy.
Marriage requires maintenance to make it successful. It requires extra work if you are engaging in these damaging behaviors.
The good news is that you, too, can create a happier marriage if you are willing to begin with yourself.
IF you willing to put in the time and energy to help your marriage become a strong one, you can do it. And you don't have to do it alone. Relationship coaching or marriage counseling can help you create the happy and healthy marriage you've always wanted.
More for You:
Michelle E Vasquez, LPC, MS, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and author of "Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over."