5 Things Not To Do If You Want To Save Your Failing Marriage

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How To Save Your Marriage: Five Things Not To Do
Saving your marriage involves two people: you and your spouse.

Saving your marriage is something only you and your partner can do: marriage, like life, is one of those things where you save yourself or you stay unsaved. Yet, this doesn't mean that saving your marriage is something you need to do alone: most relationships are easier saved when they have outside help or — at the very least — an objective point of few.

Still, a marriage counselor or the words of a friend who swears they can stay neutral (they like you both totally equally, they swear!) will only get you so far. Saving your marriage requires you and your spouse to do the vast majority of the heavy lifting, especially when it comes to emotions.

But, sometimes, it's not so much knowing what you should do that will lead to a successful reunion. Sometimes, it's knowing what you shouldn't do. So, as you embark on the task of making till death do us part a very literal thing and saving your marriage, consider refraining from any of the following:

  1. Ignoring Your Problems — One of the biggest mistakes people make when saving their marriage is ignoring their problems. The whole "ignore it and it will go away" concept never works in relationships. Ignoring your problems won't solve anything, even if it does lead to times of truce. So, face your problems head on and communicate with each other: your marriage has zero chance of continuing if you don't.
  2. Staying Together For The Kids — Yes, divorce is hard on children. But, do you know what else is hard on children? Having parents who don't like each other (especially if you fight). For this reason, having kids isn't always a good reason for saving your marriage. There are, of course, exceptions: if your kids will be out of the house in a year, staying together isn't all that difficult. But, if your children are young, staying together may not save them from stress, and ultimately only teach them that being unhappy is acceptable.
  3. Caring What Others Think — People can't help but care what others think: we want to make our families proud and we care what our friends think of our actions. We may even secretly care what that popular girl from high school still thinks. However, when saving your marriage, you should only focus on what you and your spouse think. No one else matters, because no one else is part of your relationship.
  4. Never Getting Anywhere — Sometimes, trying to solve a marital spat can feel like you're a mouse in one of those mazes being studied by scientists: even though you get shocked every time you grab the cheese, you keep on touching it. With matrimony, people tend to fight about the same things over and over and over again. But this will get you nowhere. So, instead of bringing up the same issues, sit down and make a plan and figure out how to resolve them. Once and for all.
  5. Being Impulsive — Saving your marriage and impulse are not friends: in fact, they are mortal enemies. This is due to the fact that impulse (words said, things thrown, affairs had out of spite) damages a relationship, rather than mends one. Even if you make up, your harsh words will still have been said and your actions will still have been done. In other words, there are no take backs. So, instead of acting on impulse, act on rationale— and work on saving your marriage only when both you and your spouse are calm, collected, and composed.

To learn other ways of saving your marriage, click here.

More how to save your marriage on YourTango:

Article contributed by

Michael Griswold

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Michael Griswold

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