Trying to get back together with an ex? Try changing the words he associates you with!
Sometimes, trying to get your ex back can result into an extreme mess: ”Wow, funny seeing you here!” you might say as you run into him inside his own living room. While these extremes may be effective for some things (i.e., restraining orders), they usually prove themselves as useless as snow shoveling in Florida, a "Get Out of the Limelight" campaign, or any of the Kardashians.
The reason for this uselessness is simple: it's hard to change someone's way of thinking. In order to reconcile with an ex, you need to focus on changing his mood, rather than his mind.
Changing the Feelings Your Ex Associates With You
If Snow White had actually dated any of the Seven Dwarves, there's a good chance their names would have been altered when she left them for Prince Charming. They may have gone from Happy to Unhappy, from Sneezy to Angry, from Bashful to Resentful, from Grumpy to, well, More Grumpy. This is because a failed relationship ultimately results in the exes associating certain words with each other. These may include words like annoyance, pressure, hurt, and avoidance (or maybe even other words best not put in print).
At one point in your relationship, the words you associated with each other were positive. There was excitement, attraction, passion, and a sense of eagerness that warranted butterflies in the stomach. Now, there's apathy, rage, boredom, and a sense of dread that warrants ulcers in the stomach.
In other words: things have changed.
Stop, In The Name Of Love
In order to change things back, you need to stop in the name of love. Stop apologizing, begging, promising to change, and stop using social media as a stalking platform (yes, even though that's practically the reason for its invention). All of these things are moot: they appeal to the mind of your ex and people don't want to change their minds (case in point: there are actually people still on MySpace). Instead, your goal should be to make your ex feel different. In order to do so, you need to change his mood.
Think of it this way: there are two doors that lead to the affections of your ex; the mind door is bolted shut and rigged with an alarm while the mood door is always open (it may even include a welcome mat complete with witty saying). This mood door is your entryway and it's why there is always a chance to reconcile, to kiss and make up (or out).
Now, you may be of the mindset that there is no hope. You may even have REM's "Everybody Hurts" cued up on your MP3 player ready to blare. But, the Pandora-box concept of life also applies to that of love: in other words, hope is akin to death and taxes; it always exists. Allow it to become your ally.
Changing Your Exes Mood
Everyone has a set of unique memories and experiences, things that make them smile at the faintest mention. This makes "Changing Your Exes Mood: A How-to Manual" something that has a lot of flexibility because you, the person who knows your ex so well, hold the key to the concepts that will prove successful.
Take, for instance, this "do-something-along-these-lines" example: your ex hates his boss and has a horrible day at work; he comes home in an angry, annoyed mood. As he sits there brooding, his favorite song from 8th grade comes on the radio and reminds him of a school dance where he and his friends decorated the boy’s locker room with toilet paper, ate an entire cake, and laughed for two straight hours. Instantly, his mood is lifted, changed for the better. His day of work was still horrible and he is still thinking of hiring a hit man for his boss, but now he, in that moment, feels different; he feels happy.
Music, scents and smells, and images (such as TV shows, movies, and even commercials) are all great invokers of memory and can each be used to remind your ex of the happier times you've spent together. And, when you remind him of happier times, he is inevitably reminded of why he fell in love with you in the first place.
To discover how you can get your ex back by changing his mood, click here.
More advice on getting back together on YourTango:
- Break Up & Make Up: 4 Valuable Lessons From Getting Back Together
- 7 Things To Consider Before Getting Back Together With Your Ex
- 3 Tips To Prepare For Couples Counseling