3 Lies Your Therapist Told You About Relationships

By

The 3 Pieces Of Relationship Advice That Doesn't Always Apply
Not all advice is good advice.

Relationship advice is everywhere: on the internet, in magazines, perhaps even verbalized by wise old owls who've taught themselves to talk. A simple google search, for example, will turn up millions of hits, ultimately forcing you to sort out the advice for relationships you can use and the advice you should immediately break up with. For relationships, in particular, some opinions run afoul, and leave you at risk of hurting your union more than helping it.

Of course, your individual situation is a huge factor in this — what amounts to good advice for relationships really comes down to what is good for you.

Still, there is some advice you should stay away from, at least in most situations. This includes:

1. Never Ever Give Up
Like Jimmy V., Winston Churchill, and the seventh grade gym teacher who really wanted you to be able to climb that rope, there are people everywhere who have adopted a quote of resiliency as their personal mantra. Usually, this type of fortitude is a good thing — in most situations, people shouldn't give up and instead strive for accomplishment or resolution. In relationships this is also true — the vast majority of unions are salvageable.

But, there are exceptions. If you ever find yourself in a relationship that is abusive, has absolutely no future, or one where you have to pretend to be someone you really aren't, then giving up is the smarter — and healthier — option. Not all relationships come with the guarantee of happily ever after, especially if they have caused you nothing but misery.

2. Always Compromise
Virtually every piece of advice for relationships contains three little words: compromise, compromise, compromise. Marriage, in fact, is often painted as great of a compromise as the one in 1787 that formed the logistics of the US Congress. Still, compromise isn't always good. There will come a time — or perhaps already came a time — when you will have something that is highly important to you. Maybe it's the job offer of a lifetime or the chance to see Paris. Your spouse or partner may be less than thrilled about it and, once again, compromise will rear its head.

But, this isn't good: not everything can be compromised. If you want to move to Salem, Oregon, and your partner wants to stay in Denver, Colorado, you will solve nothing by compromising and planting roots in the middle land of Boise, Idaho. You'll be unhappy, they'll be unhappy, and compromise will fail you.

This isn't to say you should never compromise — sometimes meeting each other halfway is appropriate and beneficial. Yet, if there is something you feel strongly about, compromising will only make you resentful. And packing up that resentment and carrying it down the road is a sure-fire way to find many obstacles on the path to blissfulness. 

3. Communicate Constantly
Another commonality in advice for relationships is communication. We are told communication is key. And, quite frankly, it is key. Without communication, a pitcher has a better chance of breaking Joe DiMaggio's hitting streak than your relationship has at succeeding. Still, there are times when you can actually benefit from lack of communication, rather than insisting you sit down and talk.

When you are horribly upset, mad beyond words, or hurt in a way that you never thought possible, you do need to communicate, but putting it off for a few hours may be more helpful than forcing a conversation. This is because we say things we shouldn't when we're upset. We call names, we yell and shout, and we make accusations that — even as the words leave our mouths — we know we’ll regret. We also make rash decisions, decisions to do things like divorce, drive away angry, or throw the DVD player out the window.

On the other hand, letting some time pass — whether it is hours or a day — can make your communications more effective by assuring that you don’t let your anger or hurt do the talking. So, if something happens that just makes your blood boil, wait till it fades down to a simmer before the big confrontation.

To get more advice for relationships, click right here. Your happiness is waiting.

More relationship advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by

Michael Griswold

Relationship Coach

Michael Griswold

To Get Help With Your Relationship Now, Click Here...

Location: Norfolk, VA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Michael Griswold:

Want Her Back? Make Her Remember Why She Loves You

By

Maybe you've tried apologizing, promising to change, telling her how sorry you are, etc. There's a surprising reason none of those things work, and when you know it, you know how to get your ex girlfriend back and make her want you more than she ever did before. Let's say you and I are friends. At first, we hang out because we like enough of the ... Read more

What Every Woman Over 30 Ought To Know About Meeting "The One"

By

1. You've graduated from the "learning years"  After a decade (or more) of learning from the players, phonies and frauds in your twenties, you're more able to spot the man you really want. 2. Know your values and let them be known. Nowadays, in the new science of relationships, it's values that keep couples together. It ... Read more

Nice Guys Don't Finish Last — They Get Girlfriends

By

There are a lot of rules from so-called pickup artists on how to get a girl. Most of them involve insulting the girl, being a bad boy or just compromising your values. For every guy who's ever wanted a girl, and does not want to act like a jerk, this is the way to do it.  A Woman Doesn't Know What She Wants Until a Man She Trusts Shows ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.