Autumn is here! The lazy, hazy days of summer and vacations are just a fond memory. Now it’s time for the crazy days of settling back into the routine of work, school, homework, and juggling the family activities around and between everyone’s oh-so-hectic schedules. Yet there are some trade-offs; the weather’s getting cooler, the leaves are turning red and gold in northern climes, it’s time to decorate for Halloween, and football season is back in full swing.
Most everyone knows the basic rules of the game of football and how a player scores. There’s 6 points for a touchdown, 3 points for a field goal, 2 points for a safety, 1 or 2 points for a conversion, etc. So…think back to when you learned the rules and scoring of football. Perhaps you actually played the game and had a great coach who clearly outlined the ground rules, then firmly guided you down the path to the sweet success of winning. Maybe your boyfriend was on the team, maybe you were a cheerleader or a band member, or maybe your parents loved the game and you learned it by osmosis as a tyke. I was lucky enough to have a high school sweetheart that was the statistician of our small-town team and he explained it all to me while we cheered on the sidelines (and stole kisses between plays).
Now, when did you learn to score points in the game of love? Although my young sweetheart and I did our best to play, we certainly didn’t know the rules and (not surprisingly) we didn’t make it to the altar. Thanks to Mars Venus concepts, we can now all understand these facts:
--Men and women score points differently in the game of love.
--When you have more points than your partner, then you’re losing the game--not winning.
--The way to win is to keep the score even.
It’s natural to assume that our partners need what we need and experience love in the same ways. However, this isn’t usually the case and it causes untold turmoil in relationships because we don’t understand our differences or recognize how best to show love to our partner. Learning these skills can greatly improve your life together.
For instance, a man assigns lots of points for big things (like a paycheck, a new car, or an expensive vacation) but he gives only one point for little things. Thus he may believe that the best way to score many points with a woman is by doing something very big for her once in a while. A woman, however, scores points very differently by assigning one point for every gift of love she receives. Whether it’s a big gift or a little thing, it still only gets ONE point.
Doing lots of little things for a woman is the way to her heart. Often during courtship, a man will focus on doing these little things to win her favor, but then after a while, his focus shifts to other priorities. This is because men are more serial thinkers rather than multi-taskers like women. Sometimes men also stop doing little things if they feel taken for granted, so it’s also important to acknowledge and express appreciation for everything he does. Since men are results-oriented, this lets him know that he’s been successful in the task of making her happy.
Learning to directly ask for a man’s support is another encouraging way a woman can inoculate herself from ‘resentment flu’. Although he wants her to be happy, his nature is more focused and single-minded than hers. Women are generally much more aware and giving, and men don’t automatically give in return like women friends and family would. Women can minimize frustration and disappointment by helping men to redirect their energy and attention by simply asking.
Here are a few special ways to score big points with each other:
Rub her feet after a hard day of shopping
Plan a special date night just for the two of you
Wash her car
Take the kids out on a Saturday afternoon
Put the toilet paper on the roll
Really enjoy having sex with him
Overlook a mistake
Ask directly for his help & support
Cook a special dinner for (only) two
Thank him often & sincerely
There are literally hundreds of ways to score points with your partner. It’s just plain fun to make your own lists and try them all!
Melodie Tucker is a Mars Venus Success Coach and Seminar Leader, trained by Dr. John Gray, author of the world famous “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” series. For the past 10 years, she has helped men and women all over the world create great relationships that last. If you’d like more information about this topic, want to learn how you can become a coach, or wish to have personal coaching for your specific situation, please check out her ProConnect profile and contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.