When is the last time you changed your look or surprised your spouse with a treat?
I have had my iPad for just over two years now. I loved it when I first got it, but now my kids mostly play with it. It was hard to let go at first, but once I got the new Galaxy S3, all my jealousy faded away. I was cheating on my iPad with a new device that was skinnier, younger and felt great in my hands. However, now that I installed IO7, I'm spending a lot more time with my iPad again!
Does this sound like your marriage or some relationships you've had? Have you ever changed your hair or worn a new style of clothes to have your spouse both look at you with disapproval and start paying more attention to you? What is going on here? It's called, "Hedonic Adaptation".
New York Times writer, Raymond Chandler, wrote a great article about love having a short shelf life: "The first kiss is magic. The second is intimate. The third is routine."
You have a setpoint level of emotional happiness. New love interests, new clothes and a new look on your phone changes that set point. It raises your temperature a bit and forces you to look at the device again as you relearn all the same icons. When a device or a lover does something new, it is interesting and engaging again. Then our happiness level and interest will return to normal. The physical iPad itself cannot change, just like your marriage, but how it feels to our partner is that we're always available for change.
If your marriage or relationship is past the two year mark, you have created a set point for your level of happiness together. Now it is up to you to mix it up a little bit and make things feel new again. Changing your view with a vacation reignites interests in exploring together. I have found that the more challenging the adventure, like exploring India with my wife or taking my kids snorkeling for the first time, creates a bigger spark —because we are solving new problems together.
Ladies, this is a great time to get something new to wear, change the roles around, try sex in a new location, and surprise the man in your life with something he is not expecting.
Guys, it's time for an unexpected text message of appreciation, followed by another saying "Get dressed up and ready Saturday night by 5PM. I have taken care of everything and am taking you on an adventure!" Now, don't forget the reservations and the babysitter.
Don't worry about if he or she will like it or not. As Steve Jobs said, "The customer does not know what they like until we show it to them." Your lover is the exact same way. They do not know what they like until you take them to a new place of exploration.
I never wrote to Apple and said I was bored with my iPad; it just doesn't thrill me anymore. Similarly, your spouse will never tell you they are bored... until it is too late. Be brave, bold, and try something new. It will challenge you and your routine, and create a big spark in the one you love. If you have committed to be married to one person for the rest of your life, you have also committed to keeping his or her life interesting and exciting. When you forget about this commitment, your marriage or relationship can go the way of the Blackberry.
If you feel bored in your marriage as if nothing just feels right or exciting anymore, you can easily find three solutions over the phone with Matthew today. Click my calendar to schedule a free 15 minute brainstorming session now!
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