If you are a woman you can relate to the fact then many men always seem “on.” They may work all day, come home exhausted, but if you mention sex, most of them are ready and raring to go. Women are not like this. We need time to make a transition into sexy. A big mistake many couples with small children make is on date night, if dinner is set for 7p.m. they have the sitter come at 6:30 or 6:45. The date may feel hurried, tense, and doesn’t usually end with both people feeling relaxed and amorous. It isn’t something the husband does wrong, or that one of you picked a fight, it’s simply that you didn’t allow yourself time to get your sexy on. Women need a transitional time to go from mommy to lover. We need time to pamper ourselves, dress ourselves, and get our makeup on, our hair done, without someone spitting food on us, burping on us, crying about something, or solving someone’s crisis. I call this getting your sexy on.
Body image is so highly correlated with women’s sexuality that in a recent study reported in the Journal of Sex Research Dr. Patricia Barthalow Koch PH.D discovered that body image was one of the top reasons women don’t want to have sex. Men may have difficulty understanding this because many of them tell their wives every day how beautiful she looks only to realize their wife still doesn’t want to have sex. The husbands may not understand that although their intentions are good, their wife doesn’t derive her body image by what he says. It may help and reassure his wife, but more helpful is if she believes that she is beautiful and desirable. In other words, if she beats herself up, or is critical in regards to her looks when she compares herself to others no matter what her husband tells her, it falls on deaf ears.