In my practice I have seen a new phenomenon that is currently being studied. This phenomenon is “mate poaching”. It has long been suspected that men had a stronger tendency to go after other people’s partners. No one knew if that’s just because men have a tendency to brag about it more or because they are more upfront with this activity. Now new research reported from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology is finding some evidence that single women are more likely to be drawn to other people’s partners.
There are many theories floating around in regards to this phenomenon but one of the main theories is that women think all of the “good guys” are married. Women tend to equate good with being faithful and in a committed relationship. This seems to attract the single women and turn them on to the point of “poaching them”.
In the study, women and men who were in a relationship already had little reaction when they were shown their perfect match (a computer generated like-minded, attractive person). They were indifferent as to whether the computer generated person was single or in a relationship. However, when single women were shown this same photo and match they reacted more aggressively when they found out the man was attached. When the (computer version) man was shown to the single women and described as unattached, 59% of the single women were interested in pursuing him. When that same computer generated man was shown to the single woman and they were told he was attached, 90% of the single women were interested in “poaching him”.
What does this say about women? It says several things, but none of them have been proven. The top four conclusions are:
1. It could be... that woman want a man who is already tested. He has proved he is marriage material and they attribute positive qualities to that.
2. It could be... that the women is from an abusive home where no one is stable and it is more important to have financial security than faithful love.
3. It could be... that the women feel that she has to rescue the man.
4. It could be... that the women could have deep seated intimacy issues.
No matter what the reason, it is disturbing to think that women would go after a husband or a lover of another woman. Men have an honor code. They don’t date a friends’ ex. How about women? Do they have an honor code? Women who behave this way don't care if they break a family apart. They want your man, and many of them are masters at seduction. Keep the communication open so your man can tell you when things happen that he is unsure of.
The most vulnerable men are the ones that are blind sided.
-Mary Jo Rapini