A relationship but no spark

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A relationship but no spark
Is it possible to develop a serious, loving relationship w/ no initial spark? Mary Jo says yes & no.

I answer viewer questions for Fox 26 each week on my segments, “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo.” I didn’t have time to answer this letter from Jane, so I decided to write the answer in my blog this week.
 Dear Mary Jo,
“When you are starting to date someone and you enjoy their company, but do not have any real desire for them...how do you know if you should give it time to grow? Is it foolish to date where there is no 'spark,' hoping that will come with time? (In my experience, it has never grown, if not there to begin with). How much time is fair to avoid hurting the other person if you know they are into you, but you don't return the same level of attraction?
Thank you, Jane.


The answer to these types of questions is difficult, and there are no right or wrong answers. Some of the best marriages I have ever seen were arranged, and some of the worse relationships I have ever seen consisted of people who had an abundance of spark, but nothing else in common. We all talk about chemistry or spark, but what is it and by what is it defined? For some, chemistry means the other person is “cute” or “hot;” for others it may mean they are an intellect and share career interests. Dating usually implies that you are meeting people you want to see again. I cannot imagine getting dressed and ready to go to a play or an event with someone for whom I felt no interest or with whom I didn’t want to be. As you read my answer you may think of other things that would be helpful to share with Jane. Your comments are appreciated, so long as you consider “helping and encouraging her,” because she is stuck right now, and trying to do the right thing.

Article contributed by

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

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